Top 5 Tolkien Nerd Moments of Stephen Colbert

Since he got his own show, Stephen Colbert's public appearances have generally stuck to the version of himself he plays on The Colbert Report: a narcissistic, hyper-patriotic conservative pundit. He's stuck to the character so closely that he's maintained it in everything from the White House Correspondents' Dinner to testimony before Congress on immigration reform.

But if there's any part of his actual persona that Colbert lets slip into his shows, it's the fact that he's a huge fan of J.R.R. Tolkien's fantasy novels, namely the Lord of the Rings universe.

Photo credit: mediaite.com

And it's never more apparent than in the following examples.

5. Colbert And Back Again

The Colbert Report started a couple of years too late to do anything with the Lord of the Rings trilogy movies, so the fact that Peter Jackson and some of the original crew would be making a movie of The Hobbit (and turning it into a trilogy, no less) it must have seemed like a godsend to Colbert and the show.

Indeed, the show went all out with a week of guests related to the movie, a new intro with a Middle Earth style map of New York City (inevitably getting the biggest laugh from the "Hipsters Deep" of Brooklyn), and turning the set into The Shire. This video serves as a nice introduction to Colbert's interviews with Ian McKellan, Martin Freeman, Andy Serkis, and Peter Jackson (who declared Colbert the biggest Tolkien geek he'd ever met, much to the host's delight).

4. Sting-off With Elijah Wood

Elijah Wood's visit on this show was to discuss Happy Feet Two, but it's not like Colbert can let a Frodo appearance go by without discussing a little bit of Lord of the Rings. Especially since The Hobbit was being filmed at the time, with Wood having a minor role and Colbert getting invited to the set. Colbert is palpably eager to discuss the details of the new film with Wood after the interview given that he had to keep a lid on any spoilers.

3. Interviews with James Franco

James Franco is nerdy enough to be balancing his acting career with studies at Yale University as he pursues a PhD in English. And since Colbert obviously considers Tolkein to have some of the foremost works in literature, he quizzes Franco on some details in Lord of the Rings and winds up giving him partial credit.

Franco tries to get his own back in a second visit by pitching a trivia question about The Silmarillion. This is essentially the Bible of the Lord of the Rings universe, and is often just as inscrutable. The ease with which Colbert answers the question and his subsequent reaction are hilarious.

2. John McCain hobbits quote

John McCain's political stances have been at various points on the spectrum in the past decade or so, but despite going more to the right as the Republican candidate in 2008 he's sparred with the even farther right Tea Party wing on a few occasions since then. In one instance, he read part of a Wall Street Journal editorial critical of GOP resistance to an effort to raise the debt ceiling that referred to "Tea Party hobbits." One Tea Party representative replied that McCain could be considered Sauron in this metaphor.

It was all practically an open invitation for Colbert to have as much fun as possible with trying to compare various political figures with Lord of the Rings figures. And to show off his vast array of Lord of the Rings collectibles, of course.

1. Daily Show interview with Viggo Mortensen

Back before he had his own program, Colbert was just a lowly correspondent on The Daily Show. And way back in 2005, while Jon Stewart was discussing A History of Violence with Viggo Mortensen, we got perhaps the best glimpse of Colbert's Tolkien knowledge.

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Near the end of the interview, Stewart plays an audio recording of what was no doubt Stewart asking him to recite as much of the history of the Lord of the Rings character as he could. It turns out to be quite a bit, as Stewart eventually just cuts it off and asks Mortensen (the actor who played Aragorn in the movies) how he deals with superfans like Colbert.

Mortensen's answer? Well, for Colbert anyway, send him a gift of chocolate with Lord of the Rings characters expertly carved into them. And as Colbert mentions in the #2 clip, Mortensen would also present him with Aragorn's sword as part of a sketch on The Colbert Report. He seems like a nice guy.

Whatever Happened To: The Cast of "Home Improvement"

It's time to return again to some pop culture from your childhood (well, my childhood; and yours if you're in your 20s or maybe your 30s). Home Improvement was neatly ensconced within the 90s, with a run from 1991 to 1999. It followed the host of a Detroit-area home improvement television show in both his professional and family life. And given that this was a 90s sitcom, there was quite a bit of slapstick and family humor involved. So what happened to the people involved in this show?

Tim Allen (Tim Taylor)

(variety.com)

Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor is the macho, slightly chauvinist lead of the show as well as the host of the show-within-the-show Tool Time. His projects typically end in disaster thanks to his constant attempts to supercharge them with "more power!" although Tim is also shown to be highly competent in auto restoration and a few other builds. Although often obstinate and selfish, Tim was also shown to be a caring father and husband.

(aceshowbiz.com)

Tim Allen got into comedy on a dare, starting with stand-up acts. This coincided with a rather unsavory start to adulthood, namely an involvement in cocaine trafficking. After he was caught with 1.4 pounds of the stuff at a Michigan airport in 1978, he cooperated with investigators to put other dealers away and wound up serving two years and four months in prison. He managed to revive his comedy career after his release, although he was arrested for DUI in 1997, near the end of Home Improvement's run, and sentenced to a year of probation. Since the end of the show, Allen has starred in a number of critically panned comedy films as well as some more memorable pictures including The Santa Clause, the Toy Story trilogy, and GalaxyQuest. Now 59, Allen is currently starring in the sitcom Last Man Standing and also has his own line of power tools.

Patricia Richardson (Jill Taylor)

(tbs.com)

Jill was the typical suburban mom that appeared in quite a few sitcoms of the time. She was usually a little frazzled by Tim's constant shenanigans and the stress of raising three sons, and slowly working toward getting a psychology degree. There was also a running joke that Jill was a terrible cook.

(peoplequiz.com)

Patricia Richardson, now 61, earned a BFA in acting from Southern Methodist University and spent some time acting in plays. She picked up a number of minor TV roles in the 1980s before Home Improvement. She next appeared as Dr. Andy Campbell in Strong Medicine as well as a recurring role as Sheila Brooks on The West Wing. She has continued acting in a few movies and is active in an organization seeking a cure for progressive supranuclear palsy.

Zachery Ty Bryan (Brad Taylor)

(glamour.com)

The oldest of Tim and Jill's sons, Brad was best known for his relative popularity and athletic ability, including a proficiency at soccer. He struggled academically at times but still managed to earn a college scholarship near the end of the series. Despite getting in trouble on a few occasions and sometimes clashing with his parents, Brad also got along well with Tim through common interests such as auto restoration.

(thedaily.com)

Zachery Bryan (he's dropped the Ty) had parts in a few family movies during his Home Improvement run, but started to transition to other roles with appearances in films such as Carrie 2: The Rage in 1999 and The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift in 2006. He graduated high school the year after the show ended. Since the end of Home Improvement, Bryan (now 31) has scored guest roles on a number of TV shows including ER, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Smallville, and Burn Notice. His last acting role was as Thor in the 2009 SyFy movie Hammer of the Gods. He founded the production company Vision Entertainment Group in the same year. He's had a producer credit on four movies since then, most recently Rogue River and The Grief Tourist in 2012. He also joined a couple of partners in opening the Hollywood sports bar "Big Wangs," although he later sued them in 2010 for allegedly using profits for personal expenses.

Jonathan Taylor Thomas (Randy Taylor)

(fanpop.com)

Randy's character was best known for his intelligence, as he quickly found himself in advanced classes. He mocked or traded barbs with Brad on occasion but more often than not the two teamed up for some common cause (quite often picking on younger brother Mark). Randy was also a bit of a smart aleck and in one "very special" episode he had to cope with a potentially serious medical condition. The character was essentially written out of the last season as Randy went abroad to study in Costa Rica.

(actclassy.com)

I remember there was a time when most of the girls I grew up with were in love with "JTT." Taylor's popularity helped him land a number of movie roles complementary to his time on the show, most notably as the voice of young Simba in The Lion King. His career slowed after the end of Home Improvement but he was still able to pick up guest roles on several popular series including The Wild Thornberrys, The Simpsons, and Veronica Mars. After graduating high school in 2000, he attended Harvard University for two years, studied abroad in Scotland, then took a lengthy leave from school and finally completed his studies at Columbia University in 2010. He hasn't really made any waves since then aside from remarking that he might want to get into directing. His last on-screen role was the Veronica Mars episode in 2005, followed by a directing credit for the short film The Extra in 2006.

Taran Noah Smith (Mark Taylor)

(fanpop.com)

The youngest Taylor lad, Mark started off in the "cute little kid" role and as an eager assistant in Tim's shenanigans. He was also a frequent target of pranks concocted by Brad and Randy, although at times all three brothers would team up. As the actor got older (and a lot taller) Mark became more of a loner and a goth.

(people.com)

Taran Noah Smith, now 28, had a much rockier post-show experience than his peers. The show led to a falling out with his parents, as he accused them of misusing his earnings from the show and in 2001, when he was 17, he sued for control of that money. The same year he married Heidi Van Pelt, a woman nearly twice his age, and the two began a vegan restaurant and non-dairy cheese manufacturing business named Playfood out of their Los Angeles home. The couple divorced in 2007 and the house went into foreclosure the same year, after which it was apparently trashed by vandals. The duo went through another court battle soon after when Van Pelt tried to gain control of Playfood. Smith reportedly won control of the company but it is unclear if he has managed to keep it going. The whole affair led him to reconcile with his parents, who apparently opposed the marriage from the start. In 2012, Smith was convicted of DUI and marijuana possession and sentenced to probation, a drug diversion program, and a fine.

Richard Karn (Al Borland)

(tumblr.com)

Al was Tim's perpetually put-upon co-host on Tool Time, a frequent victim of Tim's backfiring fixes as well as jokes about his beard, flannel outfits, mother, and numerous other things. Despite this, the two remain good friends. Al gets married later in the series. And for some reason, the Wikipedia entry on Home Improvement characters at the time I'm writing this particular section has a whopping five subsections for Al Borland. Someone likes their fictional TV friends/co-workers.

(zimbio.com)

Richard Karn, now 56, graduated from the University of Washington with a drama degree and got his role on Home Improvement through a stroke of luck. Though the show had already cast Borland's character, Karn met a casting agent while answering a traffic citation in court and was brought on board after the original choice (Stephen Tobolowsky) had to drop out. It was the first major role for Karn, who is still appearing mostly in family comedies. After Home Improvement, his most prominent role was as a game show host, including a four-year stint on Family Feud.

Earl Hindman (Wilson Wilson Jr.)

(fanpop.com)

Wilson was the friendly next door neighbor of the Taylors, typically offering advice to Tim although he spent a lot of time in his yard so he frequently helped out other members of the family at times as well. Wilson apparently acquired his wisdom through globetrotting adventures, given that he was involved in cultural studies and had a number of eccentric artifacts in his home. A running sight gag was that Wilson's face was always obscured by the fence or some other object. Wilson's full name was revealed later on in the series, and Earl Hindman joined the rest of the cast with his face in the clear for the final bows.

(showbizgeek.com)

Prior to Home Improvement, Hindman was best known for portraying Bob Reid in over 450 episodes of Ryan's Hope. He was a villain in the original The Taking of Pelham One Two Three as well as The Parallax View. Hindman had fewer roles after Home Improvement ended, with a couple of guest roles on Law & Order and a part in the 2001 movie Final. He died of lung cancer in December of 2003 at the age of 61.

Debbe Dunning (Heidi Keppert)

(realm-o-tigger.com)

Heidi was Tool Time's sexy "Tool Girl" assistant, introducing the show and helping out around the set. She occasionally figured more into a plot, experiencing a bit of martial trouble and having two kids over the course of the show.

(tvland.com)

Debbe Dunning started out in modeling and advertising before landing the role on Home Improvement. She has been married to volleyball player Tim Simmons since 2007 and, like her character, she has two children. Her first role was in the 1989 movie Dangerous Curves, with a few appearances on shows such as Boy Meets World and Baywatch as well. Her last acting role was as Hope Lorca in the series Wicked Wicked Games.

Top 10 Movies Made Better By Seeing Them In A Theater

Let's face it, sometimes it isn't quite worth it to go see a movie when it is first released in theaters. Aside from the sometimes expensive tickets and long train of pre-feature advertisements and trailers, the main issue is mostly those pesky other people who also want to see the same thing as you. Which would be fine if it weren't for the ones with the cell phones and delusions of MST3K caliber riffing talent. In the end I thought Looper was great and well worth seeing in the first run, but I could have done without the gaggle of teenagers a few rows up who considered every scene of someone getting shotgunned in the chest to be hilarity of a Chaplinesque quality.

But there's a reason movie theaters stay in business, after all. Sometimes seeing something on the big screen or with a group makes it much more of an experience than just popping a DVD in. Sometimes it's the enhanced picture or sound that makes it that much more memorable. And sometimes there's something about seeing a movie for the first time with dozens or hundreds of other people that just seems to heighten its quality. That was the case when I saw...

10. The Dark Knight (2008)

(nypress.com)

This was probably the first movie I saw in the theater with a villain who genuinely made you uneasy. Part of The Dark Knight's success was no doubt due to Heath Ledger's untimely death shortly before the movie's release, but it's likely that he would have received rave reviews for his role as the Joker in any case. As I've mentioned, sometimes you go to a movie and people laugh at inappropriate times. In this case, you could measure the feelings of the crowd by the dead silence at most scenes and uneasy chuckles at the Joker's black humor. An entire group of people found the "pencil trick" funny, but you could tell they didn't want to sympathize with its perpetrator.

9. Forrest Gump (1994)

(kidinthefrontrow.com)

I would have been about 10 years old when I saw this with my parents, so I couldn't quite appreciate the historical layering appearing throughout. I guess I knew a bit about JFK and Vietnam, but it wasn't until later that I could appreciate scenes such as Forrest inadvertently kicking off the Watergate scandal. Still, the strength of the movie is more in the story. This was probably one of the first (if not the first) movie I went to with my family that wasn't in the G or PG category, and I was completely fascinated.

8. Borat (2006)

(blogs.ocweekly.com)

This is one of those odd things that was really popular and well-reviewed when it came out and then collapsed under its own success. After awhile, everyone got annoyed at the scads of people who thought their Borat impression was just tops or that going as Borat to the Halloween party was clever and original. But when you saw this in the theater, you didn't know about any of that and just knew this was supposed to be a funny movie. And seeing a comedy in the theater is generally a better experience since you're sharing a laugh with so many people.

7. Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975) / Monty Python's The Meaning of Life (1983)

(athenacinema.com)

 
Well these ones came out a little too early for me to see on their debut, but I still saw them on the big screen. I was at a writing program at a small college, and part of the entertainment included in the six weeks was the showing of a few movies. One evening was Monty Python and the Holy Grail and Monty Python's The Meaning of Life (the latter of which was unfortunately a bit of a letdown after the first; Life of Brian may have been the better choice). This was my first introduction to Monty Python, and the kind of humor was right up my alley. Even if the other people in the program who decided to take in this double feature were so well-acquainted with the film that they knew every line, they were still laughing uproariously. It was one hell of a way to first see the bizarre classic.

6. Saving Private Ryan (1998)

(andsoitbeginsfilms.com)

I can't remember exactly where I saw this movie. I just remember that the opening scene of the D-Day invasion was already getting a lot of discussion when I saw the film with my family not too long after it opened. You knew it was going to be violent and brutal and difficult to watch, but it was still a shock when the first wave of soldiers prepared to storm the beach and was immediately cut down by gunfire. The whole sequence was so disheartening that when the first German was finally taken out someone gave a spontaneous cheer. Saving Private Ryan is often cited as the movie that reminded people that war isn't a pretty thing, and the sensory experience of watching it on the big screen drove the point home.

5. Contact (1997)


Although flawed in a few respects, the most memorable parts of Contact were also the scenes that were incredible when seen in the theater. First there was the unexpected silence of the title screen, followed by the zoom out from Earth that gave perspective to just how small a place in the universe we really occupy. The jarring flight of the transportation device to Vega through a series of wormholes was also a visual tour de force, frightening and exhilarating at the same time.

4. 50/50 (2011)

(frontroomcinema.com)

This one sticks out for a number of reasons. For one thing, it was the first full-length movie I saw it in New London's Garde Arts Center, a historic theater with perks such as balcony seating and beer sales (both of which I took advantage of in seeing 50/50). And since the humor of comedies tends to be heightened when you see it with a group, the quick pace and wit of 50/50 got quite a few laughs. And considering the emotional power of the film later on, it's the first I'd been to with the opposite effect. Namely that one powerful scene made it clear that a lot of people were weeping.

3. The Simpsons Movie (2007) 

(philonfilm.net)

Given that The Simpsons had already overstayed their television welcome by several years by the time this came out, I was a little skeptical about how this would turn out. The show was nowhere near the quality of the older episodes that won it a following, so there was plenty of concern that that the movie was going to be just as disappointing. But since work on the movie dated back to that golden age, the movie was something of a callback to that period. And watching it with a room full of Simpsons fans reminded me of old get-togethers with friends, helplessly laughing at the antics of America's favorite family.

2. Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (2003)


I started reading the Lord of the Rings trilogy after seeing the first Peter Jackson film adaptation and was impressed to find how much of the book he'd fit onto the screen. And a little worried that he covered so little of the second book in the follow-up. So I was pleasantly surprised to find that the conclusion was arguably the best of the lot, with the final confrontation between good and evil about as flawless as it could be. And as always, such epic showdowns are that much better on the big screen.

1. The Avengers (2012)

(beyondhollywood.com)

Well what can you say about this? Plenty of movies expect viewers to have seen a film or two as groundwork for the latest picture, but with five prior pictures this was a pretty audacious undertaking. This was the first movie I went to see at a midnight premiere, joining a couple of friends who are more steeped in comic book culture. The excitement at the premiere was palpable, all the more so because just about every review coming in said The Avengers wasn't going to disappoint. It's safe to say that if you saw this at the first opportunity, you weren't just taking in a good movie in a crowded theater; you were laughing, cheering, applauding, and having a hell of a lot of fun.

I Make Fun of State Quarters: Arkansas

First off, I'm going to make fun of myself a little bit. I intended to go in alphabetical order rather than the order in which these quarters were issued, and for awhile it went swimmingly. There was Alabama, Alaska, and Arizona. And then I apparently decided to trust in my knowledge of the states and determine that Colorado was the next one. Yep, no way anything else could be between Arizona and Colorado. They even share that border at the corner. So I guess it's time to move on to Connecticut and--

(womenonthefence.com)

Ohhhh, right. Sorry about that, California. I'll get started right away on finding out who the hell John Muir is and why you seem to be emulating a Wyoming park instead of bringing in some redwoods or the Golden Gate Bridge or something. So, John Muir was--

(farm4.static.flickr.com)

Oh come on, you too? Geez, is there any other state hiding out there? No? All right, good. Let's start to plug this gap.

(encyclopediaofarkansas.net)

Holy crowding the image, Batman. Do you really need to cram all of these state symbols onto your quarter? You're like those people who just can't go on vacation without eight suitcases because you need that extra set of slippers and your favorite mug. But all right, I guess Arkansas is adequately represented by a riverbank, rice, duck, and...a giant floating diamond?

Maybe Arkansas is trying to drum up tourism by suggesting that enormous diamonds are just floating around in the sky. Or that diamonds appearing at the same size as that on the quarter are there. After all, Arkansas is one of the rare places in North America where diamonds are found and apparently the only place where tourists can get in on the game by hunting through Crater of Diamonds State Park. No wait! That's the ship from Close Encounters of the Third Kind, right? They must have gotten lost on their way to Devil's Rock and are asking the Arkansans for help.

"Devil's Rock? Yeah, it's back the way you came." (148apps.com)

The quarter was designed by Dortha Scott in a contest opened to all Arkansans in 2002 and the 65-year-old Mount Ida resident's idea was chosen from a field of 9,300 entries. She was also recognized in one of those droll resolutions someone in the state legislatures writes up to draw out a simple congratulations as long as possible and perhaps collect royalties on the word "whereas." This gushes about the use of a duck "soaring above the water with trees in the background [symbolizing] Arkansas' abundant natural resources," then goes on to say that it represents the state's popularity for hunting and fishing. Perhaps the Arkansas quarter has a tiny engraved hunter hiding in the side ridge, just waiting to blast the majestic mallard with buckshot.

Scott rejected this particular design (wikipedia.org)

To be fair, Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee did favor symbolism in his choice of a winning design. The other finalists all sought to awkwardly cram the same things into an outline of the state, and specified that Arkansas was the "Natural State" to boot since a bunch of symbols of the natural world couldn't quite carry that out. Or there was the mockingbird perched above the Arkansas State Capitol, which seemed like less a celebration of nature and more a distress call of "Help! Giant birds are usurping our state government!"

It's an OK design overall, I suppose. And hey, at least the whole thing involved a submission by an independent artist and not by Arkansas's corporate overlord.

"Our headquarters are here, ergo we demand use of our logo on the head side of the state quarters! LOGIC." (wypages.com)

Barack Obama and Mitt Romney Holding Things

You can interpret this upcoming presidential election in a few different ways. It's a guy who's chock full of values and know-how trying to oust a socialist demon who was somehow simultaneously born in Kenya, Indonesia, and Hawaii back when Liliuokalani was still in power. Or it's Captain Awesome, midway through rebuilding a country smashed up by eight years of Bush, getting harassed by an out-of-touch plutocrat who thinks schoolteachers earn enough to own Lear jets. Or maybe you hate both of them and are supporting democracy by voting for someone whose odds are so bad that Vegas would go bankrupt if you put a penny down on them and they won.

But for all their differences, Obama and Romney have some things in common. Like the fact that as politicians, they've had their photo taken holding a lot of stuff. Stuff like...

Dino Flintstone

(mentalfloss.com)

It suddenly dawns upon Romney that the "It's a living" catchphrase meant all those animals acting as appliances were actually working for a salary. "Hey, that means whenever you needed to replace your record player you got to fire that bird! I love it!"

Football

(ionehellobeautiful.files.wordpress.com)

Obama wishes Karolos Papoulias would wrap up all this talk about the Greek economy so he could hit the field with his pals. Biden wants to try a wildcat formation to get past Panetta and Geithner.

Pizza

(politico.com)

Romney tries to connect with the common man by spending some time as a pizza delivery man. Unfortunately, while he was easily inside the "30 minutes or less" deadline, the common man has thoughtlessly cluttered up his runway with parked cars and children playing street hockey.

Terrorist literature

(artsbeat.blogs.nytimes.com)

Obama reads The Post-American World, a bestselling book by Indian-American Time editor Fareed Zakaria about the shifting state of major players in the global economy. As the author puts it, "This is not a book about the decline of America, but rather about the rise of everyone else." Or, you know, it's a book with a suspicious title written by a brown man with a strange name and read by another brown man, ergo it must be "a Muslim's view of a defeated America." 

Olympic torch

  

(politico.com)

Romney lollygags a bit on his way to blow a hole in the Helm's Deep defenses.

A marijuana cigarette, or a "joint" as the kids say today

(neurobonkers.com)

So apparently Obama liked to toke every now and again while looking like he was destined to be the next big thing to hit the blues scene.

Yes, I'm aware that there's a little bias here, but how awesome is that picture? It's like a wave of cool suddenly shattered that picture of Romney with the torch up there. Let's see what he has as a counteroffer from his younger days.

Cash money (sans hoes)

(consortiumnews.com)

Oh right. This whole thing. That's Romney in the middle and some principals of Bain Capital, blissfully unaware that the frat brothers in Omega Theta Pi were actually the bad guys in Animal House.

Hipster camera

 (dvafoto.com)

Obama looks for the perfect angle on this photo of the White House press room, seeking to capture the full ironic impact of getting a picture of the people who usually take pictures of him. The official White House site actually includes this in a series of photos from Obama's first 100 days in office with humorous captions. Their take: "Unhappy with the recent set of official White House photos, the President decides to take matters into his own hands."

McDonald's food

 (articles.latimes.com)

Romney, you bastard! You already defunded Big Bird, you didn't have to turn him into a bunch of nuggets!

A hurling stick

(thegoodgreatsby.com)

Obama is ready to be more aggressive at the next debate. Either that or he's preparing for the zombie apocalypse and knows an Irish hurling stick is liable to be a pretty formidable weapon against the undead.

Weird Ways People Have Found This Site

I've seen this more on blogs that actually have a readership that extends beyond friends, a few people who like the site enough to subscribe, and a ton of random people just passing by. But the analytics are still a fun thing to take a look at every now and then. Of the visitors in the past month, about 6 percent are coming directly to the site while about 36 percent are being referred from other sites (mostly search engines, though Reddit gave "Summer Glau Holding Things" a nice boost). The remaining 58 percent is from search engines. And sometimes people are searching for some strange things, like:

"wasp wants to fuck your shit up"

(naturenet.net)

I think the reason this search pulled up my site was that I dropped a few expletives at the fact that a creature such as the giant Asian hornet exists. Considering the reported pain of the sting and the decimation the beast can wreak upon a beehive, I'm guessing the person searching found what they were looking for.

"guy germaine and fulton reid are brothers?!?"


I know, right?!? This person is probably a little more amazed than I was during my entry on where the Mighty Ducks actors wound up to discover that the actors who played these two Mighty Ducks actors, Garette Ratliff Henson and Elden Henson, are real-life siblings. Although I guess he may have been most surprised by the fact that Elden isn't related to the other half of the "Bash Brothers."

"long illness incidentally passed away"

(findagrave.com)

What...what were you hoping to find? Just the phrase, or were you hoping that dear old Auntie Hurlburt's obituary was going to come up when you searched for this? And how the hell did my site wind up pinging on the radar? Apparently it's a result of the language at the top of the entry on the Top 10 Stupidest Final Destination Deaths, where I mention that Rube Goldberg died at the age of 87 after a long illness.

"tits in usa flag bikini"

(brightorangeseats.wordpress.com)

Hmm, maybe I'm missing out on a lot of traffic by not doing more direct links between America's two greatest loves: breasts and U-S-A! U-S-A! I might start having to slip in more phrases like "The Unititted States of America" and "Oh boobiful for spacious skies."

This comes from my Fifth of July reflections on patriotism. It actually does make sense in context.

"which one means not lacking plenteous or rendzvous?"

Obviously the one that sounds like "plentiful," idiot. Now put the phone away and take the English test on your own. You fucking slacker.

YouTube Scavenger Hunt: Volume III

All right, maybe we'll get back to the theme YouTube lists next time around. For this one, random will do nicely. Let's see what's out there:

10. A dog eating birthday cake



It turns out there's a plethora of videos of dogs eating birthday cake. This one might seem a little cruel at first glance, as there's another golden retriever who is clearly upset that she's not getting her own piece and scrabbles to get out of her crate to join in the feast. But according to the description, she already had one and also stole the piece meant for this dog, Dempsey. The dogs are involved in the Helping Paws program, and user jeep2me has quite a few videos of their skills and other adorable golden retrievers.

Views: 149
Comments: 0

9. Fireworks going off inside a vehicle

Embedding is disabled, so enjoy this video here. Uploaded by the TV station WMTW in Maine, it shows security camera footage of someone in a vehicle tossing a Roman candle into a parked car and heading out, bumping the car for good measure along the way. The incident took place in Portland in July of 2012 and police are looking for the perps.

Views: 12,954
Comments: disabled

8. Someone climbing the CN Tower



This is one of those so close yet so far away type of things. The CN Tower in Toronto is one hell of a thing to take the stairs on, since it's 1,815 feet tall and has 1,776 steps. The tower uses this daunting staircase for an annual challenge to climb the stairs and raise money for the World Wildlife Federation. Unfortunately, as the sign warns, the tower has some weird stipulation that it has to be hands free. Climbers can't take cameras or even water bottles along, and security searches everyone to make sure they're not sneaking anything in. So most of the videos are people before and after the climb, including this guy - TOvlogs - who has various videos from around Toronto including swimming in snow and getting caught in traffic.

Views: 2,019
Comments: 0

7. A war reenactment done with snowballs



All right, so these kids aren't exactly recreating Pickett's Charge (well, I guess there's a brief charge around 5:15); it's more of a half-assed free for all. But this is the closest thing I could find. The kids and teachers in this fifth grade class have a bit of fun at the end of a field trip to the Civil War battleground. The Gettysburg National Military Park Museum & Visitor Center is the building in the background. This is the only video uploaded by ibellahappy.

Views: 241
Comments: 0

6. A plane landing on a truck



I remember an incident or two where a small plane in an emergency situation has put down on the rear of a flatbed truck. I wasn't able to find any footage of those landings, but you can do the same thing with wheels down to avoid a belly landing and make a neat air show trick. This shows such a stunt from the Renio Air Race Exhibition in Nevada. Uploaded by hobbiesforever, who has numerous other videos of this event.

Views: 132,152
Comments: 21

5. A giant jellyfish washed up on a beach



Pretty much what it says in the title. A guy takes a look at a giant jellyfish washed up on a beach, and a toddler mistakes it for an elephant. Uploaded by canuckinrok, also known as "A Canuck in Kimchi-Land." The kid dominates the channel but there are a good deal of short sightseeing ones as well.

Views: 107,688
Comments: 190

4. Adolf Hitler dancing to dubstep



Go to 1:30 for the start of said dancing. Otherwise, this is a pretty good contribution to the meme involving angry Hitler from the German film Downfall. It's a good movie, and the scene in question has the dictator blowing up at his underlings after receiving news that his troops have failed to put a dent in the Soviet approach. Parodies have Hitler angrily reacting to a whole range of other topics via different subtitles. In this case, he's pissed that the rest of the bunker doesn't like his dubstep party. Uploaded by anaveragepro4, whose channel offers numerous Downfall parodies. Or, in the channel's own words, "a bunch of videos of Hitler failing at life because the Nazis suck balls."

Views: 2,241
Comments: 13

3. An asteroid grazing the atmosphere



Well I kind of cheated on this one, given that there as a time when I was deeply interested in asteroids and comets and knew this footage was out there. The video was originally shot by a woman named Linda Baker in Grand Teton National Park and captures the "Great Daylight 1972 Fireball" as it soars overhead. The object came close enough to nick the atmosphere and was visible in the western United States and Canada before heading off again. Uploaded by user Rnastershake, whose videos include a lot of music as well as that Donald Duck cartoon where he's a Nazi.

Views: 29,137
Comments: 14

2. Someone bungee jumping in Wisconsin



The website Thirst For Adrenaline bluntly says there aren't any places to do it in the state. It does mention that Extreme World in Wisconsin Dells once offered it, however, and there are plenty of videos showing individual leaps. Including this one of the video uploader, a fellow named Jim and user named rhlzxp, who gives a little plug for Samsung by saying he forgot to take his phone out of his pocket but that it survived getting tossed out of the net onto the pavement. A 12-year-old girl was less fortunate about a year later, suffering severe injuries on a terrifying-looking attraction that Jim also tried out; turns out getting dropped 100 feet into a big ol' net might be a little dangerous.

Views: 3,147
Comments: 0

1. Footage of the Martian moon Phobos



Given all the excitement over Mars after NASA jazzed up the rover missions by lowering the SUV-sized Curiosity onto the surface, I was wondering what was available for the Martian moon of Phobos. Not so much footage as a series of photos, but this one throws in the other moon, Deimos, for free. These images were taken by a variety of Mars probes, according to the video's description. The video itself was uploaded by 20Bond09, whose videos range from space probe images to nature shots to a documentary on the third season of 24.

Views: 13,036
Comments: 30