I Make Fun of State Quarters: Florida

Florida, the intellectual and cultural pinnacle of these United States. Nowhere will you find such an esteemed peninsula, filled with storied learning institutions and the latest in scientific breakthroughs. Not since the Library of Alexandria has the world experienced a region so renowned for its scholarly progress.

Or, you know, that might refer to some other place since Florida is so full of crazy shit that it gets its own category on Fark. And because the state is also known as that place that couldn't make a simple ballot in the 2000 election. Or, more charitably, the refuge for Yankee retirees who are willing to risk skin cancer for the chance to escape the snow and cold of a proper winter. It's that kooky low-lying peninsula which we're all waiting to be submerged by the climate change which its governor won't let state employees talk about.

So what does Florida feature on its state quarter? A crazed face eater, perhaps? Or maybe an underwhelming "good" serial killer who was apparently whisked away via hurricane to start working as a lumberjack?

(Source)

Ah, Florida instead opts to show a Spanish galleon coming across an unspoiled tropical paradise in the 16th century. And then demonstrate how far technology has advanced by showing the space shuttle coming in for a landing on a quarter released one year after a space shuttle was destroyed while re-entering the atmosphere to land in Florida.

The Florida quarter, designed by Ralph Butler and engraved by T. James Farrell, commemorates the arrival of explorers such as Hernando de Soto and Ponce de Leon in the peninsula. The latter was searching for the legendary Fountain of Youth, reputed to grant the power to forever metabolize fatty foods and perpetually sneer about how one's elders are so lame. It didn't pan out, of course, what with Florida having the highest percentage of senior citizens and all.

The other part of the quarter pays tribute to Florida's part in the space program. Cape Canaveral has had a crucial role in sending astronauts into orbit, sending monkeys into orbit, sending men to the Moon, sending men to go golf on the Moon, and studying whether ants can be trained to sort tiny screws in space.

I would have thought they would go with one of those options instead of the shuttle, which had already started to dull excitement about space exploration by downgrading missions from "Let's go check out Earth's satellite in person" to "Let's run some groceries up to the space station." Sadly, the shuttle missions were already on their way out by the time the quarter was released, following the destruction of the Columbia in 2003. The program officially ended in 2011, which means the thing Floridians chose to illustrate the state's modernity is now as obsolete as that Spanish galleon.

So what else did Florida have to choose from? Well, there were 1,500 designs submitted for consideration and five finalists chosen by Governor Jeb Bush. Then these five were sent out for a vote by Florida residents. Because if there's anything you can trust it's letting Jeb Bush arrange an election and leaving it to the Floridian electoral system to get it right.

"Eh, they clearly punched in a binary code for 'Let the governor's brother win'" (Source)

Perhaps one of those other finalists should have been the victor. Maybe one of the candidates was a capable if boring design, with a strong environmentalist inclination, offering a temperate alternative to the zip and zazz of the design that promotes sending out costly expeditions to take over other parts of the world.

(Source)

Who knows, maybe the state would have been happier if they'd gone with the swamp full of alligators and herons and plane crash debris. If nothing else, I congratulate the elderly men and women of Florida for deciding against the design which seems to celebrate ancient phallic objects.

Ew... (Source)

YouTube Scavenger Hunt: Volume III

All right, maybe we'll get back to the theme YouTube lists next time around. For this one, random will do nicely. Let's see what's out there:

10. A dog eating birthday cake



It turns out there's a plethora of videos of dogs eating birthday cake. This one might seem a little cruel at first glance, as there's another golden retriever who is clearly upset that she's not getting her own piece and scrabbles to get out of her crate to join in the feast. But according to the description, she already had one and also stole the piece meant for this dog, Dempsey. The dogs are involved in the Helping Paws program, and user jeep2me has quite a few videos of their skills and other adorable golden retrievers.

Views: 149
Comments: 0

9. Fireworks going off inside a vehicle

Embedding is disabled, so enjoy this video here. Uploaded by the TV station WMTW in Maine, it shows security camera footage of someone in a vehicle tossing a Roman candle into a parked car and heading out, bumping the car for good measure along the way. The incident took place in Portland in July of 2012 and police are looking for the perps.

Views: 12,954
Comments: disabled

8. Someone climbing the CN Tower



This is one of those so close yet so far away type of things. The CN Tower in Toronto is one hell of a thing to take the stairs on, since it's 1,815 feet tall and has 1,776 steps. The tower uses this daunting staircase for an annual challenge to climb the stairs and raise money for the World Wildlife Federation. Unfortunately, as the sign warns, the tower has some weird stipulation that it has to be hands free. Climbers can't take cameras or even water bottles along, and security searches everyone to make sure they're not sneaking anything in. So most of the videos are people before and after the climb, including this guy - TOvlogs - who has various videos from around Toronto including swimming in snow and getting caught in traffic.

Views: 2,019
Comments: 0

7. A war reenactment done with snowballs



All right, so these kids aren't exactly recreating Pickett's Charge (well, I guess there's a brief charge around 5:15); it's more of a half-assed free for all. But this is the closest thing I could find. The kids and teachers in this fifth grade class have a bit of fun at the end of a field trip to the Civil War battleground. The Gettysburg National Military Park Museum & Visitor Center is the building in the background. This is the only video uploaded by ibellahappy.

Views: 241
Comments: 0

6. A plane landing on a truck



I remember an incident or two where a small plane in an emergency situation has put down on the rear of a flatbed truck. I wasn't able to find any footage of those landings, but you can do the same thing with wheels down to avoid a belly landing and make a neat air show trick. This shows such a stunt from the Renio Air Race Exhibition in Nevada. Uploaded by hobbiesforever, who has numerous other videos of this event.

Views: 132,152
Comments: 21

5. A giant jellyfish washed up on a beach



Pretty much what it says in the title. A guy takes a look at a giant jellyfish washed up on a beach, and a toddler mistakes it for an elephant. Uploaded by canuckinrok, also known as "A Canuck in Kimchi-Land." The kid dominates the channel but there are a good deal of short sightseeing ones as well.

Views: 107,688
Comments: 190

4. Adolf Hitler dancing to dubstep



Go to 1:30 for the start of said dancing. Otherwise, this is a pretty good contribution to the meme involving angry Hitler from the German film Downfall. It's a good movie, and the scene in question has the dictator blowing up at his underlings after receiving news that his troops have failed to put a dent in the Soviet approach. Parodies have Hitler angrily reacting to a whole range of other topics via different subtitles. In this case, he's pissed that the rest of the bunker doesn't like his dubstep party. Uploaded by anaveragepro4, whose channel offers numerous Downfall parodies. Or, in the channel's own words, "a bunch of videos of Hitler failing at life because the Nazis suck balls."

Views: 2,241
Comments: 13

3. An asteroid grazing the atmosphere



Well I kind of cheated on this one, given that there as a time when I was deeply interested in asteroids and comets and knew this footage was out there. The video was originally shot by a woman named Linda Baker in Grand Teton National Park and captures the "Great Daylight 1972 Fireball" as it soars overhead. The object came close enough to nick the atmosphere and was visible in the western United States and Canada before heading off again. Uploaded by user Rnastershake, whose videos include a lot of music as well as that Donald Duck cartoon where he's a Nazi.

Views: 29,137
Comments: 14

2. Someone bungee jumping in Wisconsin



The website Thirst For Adrenaline bluntly says there aren't any places to do it in the state. It does mention that Extreme World in Wisconsin Dells once offered it, however, and there are plenty of videos showing individual leaps. Including this one of the video uploader, a fellow named Jim and user named rhlzxp, who gives a little plug for Samsung by saying he forgot to take his phone out of his pocket but that it survived getting tossed out of the net onto the pavement. A 12-year-old girl was less fortunate about a year later, suffering severe injuries on a terrifying-looking attraction that Jim also tried out; turns out getting dropped 100 feet into a big ol' net might be a little dangerous.

Views: 3,147
Comments: 0

1. Footage of the Martian moon Phobos



Given all the excitement over Mars after NASA jazzed up the rover missions by lowering the SUV-sized Curiosity onto the surface, I was wondering what was available for the Martian moon of Phobos. Not so much footage as a series of photos, but this one throws in the other moon, Deimos, for free. These images were taken by a variety of Mars probes, according to the video's description. The video itself was uploaded by 20Bond09, whose videos range from space probe images to nature shots to a documentary on the third season of 24.

Views: 13,036
Comments: 30

Five reasons why Apollo 12 was awesome

The Apollo 12 mission to the Moon in November of 1969 falls between the first-ever landing on the Moon in July of that year and the drama of Apollo 13 in April of 1970. In general, the Apollo missions, save the two more dramatic ones, don't seem to garner too much attention. However, after reading a book on the Apollo 11 mission that briefly makes note of the following voyage to the Moon, I looked into it a little more and found that there are at least five reasons that it was a pretty incredible and awesome trip.

5. Surviving the storms

They say lightning doesn't strike twice. They are wrong. The Saturn V rocket carrying the three-man crew into orbit was hit by lightning not long after launch, and again soon after. A good deal of equipment went a little haywire, but the rocket was not seriously damaged and lunar module pilot Alan Bean was able to get the systems back online with some help from Mission Control. Here's a dramatized clip:



Also kind of cool, one of the stages of the rocket was supposed to be jettisoned into solar orbit; it didn't quite make it, but is in enough of an orbit that it revisited the planet around 2002 and should be back again in about 30 years.

4. "First" words

The first words spoken on the Moon were actually "Contact light," spoken by Buzz Aldrin as part of the technobabble of the landing and, as far as I know, simply letting Mission Control know that a light indicating that the lunar module had touched down had come on. Of course, the first words spoken on the Moon by a person on the surface were those of Neil Armstrong: "That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind."

Evidently in a bet to a reporter, or perhaps just a flub from a misstep, Charles "Pete" Conrad Jr., commander on Apollo 12 and a little shorter than Neil, said upon dropping from the ladder, "Whoopie, that may have been a small step for Neil but it's a big one for me!"



3. Flying ships!

Searching for Odin, my love!

The insignia for the mission is a friggin' flying clipper ship. Literally a big sailing vessel, propelled by rocket fuel and displaying the United States flag, as it flies around the Moon. Take that, Apollo 11's insignia of an eagle depositing an olive branch on the lunar surface as a sign that we came in peace for all mankind!

2. They brought Playboy

Sexy women on the Moon...the sci-fi writers were right!

Playboy has been on the Moon. Or, more accurately, scans of the magazine hidden in the lunar manuals for Conrad and Bean with the hilarious caption, "Seen any interesting hills & valleys?" So technically, this might mean that Misses September 1968 through January 1969 were the fifth through ninth people on the Moon.

It's just too bad that the backup crew didn't also hook up command module pilot Richard Gordon, Jr. with an issue. I'm sure he would have liked to "just read the articles" while orbiting the Moon waiting for the astronauts to come back.

1. Visiting an unmanned spacecraft

In my opinion, one of the more interesting plot pieces in any science fiction work involves the crew of a manned spacecraft visiting an unmanned space probe. Just the idea of sending something away from the planet and checking it out again when the species gains the ability to see it again in person is one that appeals to me. The Mars landers and other space probes are like interplanetary time capsules.

So I was pretty surprised to see that Apollo 12 already went there.

Look at this primitive piece of 1967 crap!

Part of the mission involved touching down in an area where a few unmanned probes had landed, and so astronauts actually visited an old American lander (the Surveyor 3) and broke off a few pieces to take back to Earth. Granted, the lander was only about two years old, and efforts to land a person on the Moon were well underway when Surveyor was launched. Still, this has to be one of the coolest images from the Apollo missions.

I'm not sure I've even seen 1,000 places total

I stopped into the local coffee shop today, which has a pretty sizeable library in one of the sitting areas. The fare ranges from Dan Brown to surfing magazines to Lord of the Rings. I came across 1,000 Places to See Before You Die and was surprised to find that it's about as heavy as a brick. I first came across the book at Heathrow International Airport in London, having visited a handful of sites listed in England. I probably haven't seen many more sites since then.

I have somewhat mixed opinions about this book. On the one hand, it's probably the most comprehensive travel guide ever made, covering the planet as it does. It probably leaves a fair amount out, considering a follow-up book lists 1,000 places in the United States and Canada alone. One thousand places and events out of the roughly 510 million kilometers of planetary surface might seem a little scant, but most of that is probably just ocean anyway. But at the very least, reading through the brick of the book is sure to be educational and help you decide on a few vacation destinations.

On the other hand, the very title of the book almost seems to mock you. It might be possible to see all of these places before you die...just. The owner of said coffee shop has managed to get around to four continents over the course of his life for work and play, and has probably seen a good chunk of the listed sites. Aside from that, you'd probably have to hit something like 15 places per year over the course of your vacations. And most people probably get a later start or don't exactly have the resources to go bumming around Tunisia at age 83.

Flipping through the book, I was a little amused that some places simply don't show up. You don't need to see anything in the state of Kansas before you die, including a museum that includes the command capsule of Apollo 13 and a huge range of other space race artifacts.

The Kansas Cosmosphere and Space Center, which you don't need to see before you die.

I found out about this interesting-sounding location in the flats of tornado land via Wikipedia, after checking to see if the rumor really was true and there's nothing interesting in Kansas. The book also contends that there's nothing worth seeing in the area of Maine where I've lived for the past two years. Some days that seems true, but some of the hikes around here certainly seem worthwhile.