Friday, May 6, 2011

I Make Fun of State Quarters: Arizona

I want you to think for five, ten seconds about what would appear on the Arizona state quarter. Don't cheat and scrounge through your wallet, just do it. All right, that should be enough time. What did you come up with?



Well, maybe for the redesign. No, it looks something like this:



Of course the most impressive natural feature in the country is going to dominate the Arizona quarter. The state's Wikipedia article doesn't even have a section for notable attractions, so what else would they put on there if they didn't go with the canyon? The cactus wren? Jimmy Eat World? They don't call it the Grand Canyon State for nothing, after all. Though the only problem with this seems to be the scale. Is it really a good idea to distill a 277-mile long geological wonder into a gray, one-inch vista? Given the halfhearted boycott efforts against Arizona, I have to wonder if some people canceled a vacation and instead wedged an Arizona state quarter into their eye socket and imagined they were there...after some apocalyptic event left everything gray and lifeless, of course.

In fact, there were four finalists for the Mint design and three of them zeroed in on the giant erosion pit. One was just the canyon alone, another added a human element by focusing on the 1869 expedition of John Wesley Powell down the Colorado River and through the canyon, and a final one was pretty much the winning design with the cacti in different locations. Whoever put all that time and effort into it must have been pissed. Another QUARTER-finalist (suck it, professional stand-ups!) honored the Navajo codetalkers of World War II, but the state apparently realized it had an image to uphold of excluding people who have lived there all along as well as those folk from south of the Rio Grande.

QuarterDesigns, a site dedicated to the official quarters as well as the finalists and a few other trivia bits, has a surprisingly complete page dedicated to the Arizona coin. It seems the Arizona Daily Star had a design contest where people were invited to submit their own ideas. Several were detailed, thought-out efforts showcasing unique architecture, desert scenery, or the mythical jackalope. Others were cheesy tourist trap pictures, such as a cactus giving the peace sign or a cartoon snowbird playing golf for some reason. Others referenced heat, drought, scarce work, or other variations on the theme of "this state sucks." But for that pure, welcoming Arizona attitude, you can't beat the submission of Murray Bolesta:

Fine, dick. I'll make my own Grand Canyon. With blackjack, and hookers.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

YouTube Scavenger Hunt, Volume 1

Well, this is a simple social experiment: taking on the contention that you can find anything on YouTube. That's certainly an exaggeration, but among the millions of videos on the website you're sure to find most of the things you're looking for. So I decided to launch this feature as a semi-regular look at the bizarre world of online multimedia, thinking up 10 random phrases or images, seeing if it's available in video form, and checking to see how many views and comments it has (reflected by whenever I got around to viewing the thing, given that it takes awhile to draft these entries). Some are fairly common, some are a little bizarre. Let's see what we can get.

A computer mouse used as a lasso



Incredibly enough, there actually is a video matching these terms. In this 30-second clip uploaded on Jan. 10 2010, animator and "unemployed/starving artist" someynguy depicts a battle between a cordless mouse and a mouse with a cord. The cord mouse's first trick is to use the cord like a lasso, and it later employs it like a whip.

Views: 148
Comments: 0

A hit for the phrase "dumbass kid" and the word "snake"

Apparently even dumbass kids know not to mess with snakes. The one video listed as a match for no apparent reason is this one, of a kid doing a front flip off a swing set into deep snow. It was uploaded by MrPATRIOT64 on Feb. 6 2010.



There's no mention of the word "snake" in the description of tags, so it's unclear how snakes are involved in this. Maybe the town name, who knows.

Views: 762
Comments: 2

A crab fishing clip that isn't from The Deadliest Catch

The hit Discovery Channel show The Deadliest Catch, following a handful of vessels on their hazardous journeys into the Bering Sea to hunt crab, has plenty of clips and candid shots of Sig Hansen, Phil Harris, and the rest of the affable guys that man these boats. The show also frequently uses home videos, though, and crab fishing has obviously been going on long before the show started airing. There are loads of amateur videos to reflect that.



In this three-minute video, described only as red king crab fishing on the Bering Sea, a deckhand takes a break to film the process of reeling in and sorting a pot. It all seems very quiet after what is aired on the show. It was posted on Dec. 5 2006 by dpcatala.

Views: 119,099
Comments: 63

A video showing someone's tongue being detached from a frozen flagpole

Well, it doesn't quite show the process, but apparently it's not something that happens too often after the cautionary tale of A Christmas Story. In this short Associated Press clip, a girl looks quite chipper despite the fact that her tongue seems to be bleeding, and some firefighters mill about as a reporter discusses how she got her tongue there in the first place and how rescuers got her detached.



Views: 107,351
Comments: 306

Someone scuba diving in a cave in the Caribbean

I thought of this one since a local theater had a talk by a diver who had been exploring underwater caves in the Caribbean. National Geographic was involved in this talk and several associated lecturers, so of course a search readily brings up a clip from a National Geographic show, Wild Chronicles. It looks at an exploration of an underwater cave in Cuba. The video was posted by oceancontent, an official channel with a ton of ocean videos, on September 10, 2008.



Views: 15,228
Comments: 0

A Frisbee hitting a camera




This short video was uploaded by kljacobson, an Oregon resident who has posted several videos of her dog, on July 10, 2010.

Views: 89
Comments: 2


A humpback whale breaching

Sorry for those of you who absolutely hate Coldplay, but hopefully you can stomach a 30-second clip of one of their songs for this rather amazing video from near Husavik, Iceland. As someone who went on a whale watch in elementary school and saw little more than a couple of blowholes spouting off, I imagine this was well worth the ticket price for passengers.



This was uploaded on Nov. 1 2008 by fdjunk, a Dutch guy whose videos include a BASE jump into a Norwegian fjord, a laughing baby, and a rather popular one of a marathon runner who has become completely exhausted in the final 200 meters of a marathon as dozens of people cruise past him.

Views: 16,870
Comments: 12

Elmo and some celebrity

Famous actors love them some Sesame Street, so I figured this one wouldn't be too hard. This video is actually geared more to celebrities in general, as Ricky Gervais sings Elmo a "celebrity lullaby." Elmo certainly doesn't seem overly bothered that Gervais is in his house for no apparent reason and that the letter N is watching him when he sleeps.



This video was uploaded by the official Sesame Street channel on YouTube on December 18, 2009.

Views: 2,252,616
Comments: 1,381

Some average Joe on top of Mt. Kilimanjaro

Kilimanjaro, in Tanzania, is apparently the easiest continental high peak to summit since it's a more gradual climb. Here's a short video from a couple of guys who did the hike to raise money for the Make a Wish Foundation and Wounded Warrior Project.



This was put up by Joshua Goldstein (JoshuaGoldstein23) on July 24, 2008. In addition to an outtake video from the summit, he's uploaded his best man speech, a couple of concert videos, and a short video of the 2010 Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

Views: 1,382
Comments: 5

A chess set on fire

Well, right now no one has uploaded a video where they've set a chessboard on fire. However, there is this:



This is taken from Marostica, Italy, a city known for a human chess game that has taken place every other years since 1923. This is apparently how they start the festivities.

Views: 509
Comments: 0

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Double Feature Review: 127 Hours and Unstoppable

127 Hours

Synopsis: A dramatization of a 2003 incident in which hiker Aron Ralston becomes trapped under a boulder in a Utah canyon and desperately tries to figure out how to escape.

The bad news first: Thankfully, director Danny Boyle realized that the alternate ending available on the DVD was about 20 minutes too long. So the main complaints I would have had were with the conclusion that wasn't used.

Though I didn't mind it, some viewers might not like the semi-frequent cuts to flashbacks from Ralston's life. It might seem like there's only so much you can do with a story about being trapped in one place, but there's quite a bit that does take place there and it's certainly the meatiest part of the story. The flashbacks mostly serve to put Ralston's character in a little more context, especially as he reflects on his life from the dire situation. At times they can be a little too distracting, but most of the time they work.

The good stuff: For all the brief flashbacks and Ralston's brief encounters with a couple of hikers early in the film, this is essentially a one-man show featuring James Franco. It's a huge burden to carry, and he does a tremendous job. From Ralston's fun-loving if reckless demeanor early in the film to his mood shifts and delirium throughout his entrapment, you believe every moment of it and truly sympathize with the character.

I've also become a big fan of Danny Boyle, given that I really liked 28 Days Later, Sunshine, and Slumdog Millionaire. He really pinpoints the sense of claustrophobia and panic, but also the resolve and ultimate triumph of human determination. Come to think of it, that's mostly how the three aforementioned films ultimately work as well: unease, fear, and claustrophobia (in 28 Days Later, managing to turn the entire English isle into a boxed-in environment) with audacity winning out in the end. It might be a bit of a niche style, then, but it's obviously very flexible and he does it very well.

Carrying on that theme, 127 Hours is the first movie in awhile that has honestly creeped me out. Portraying an event that actually happened is much scarier than anything a horror movie can hope to achieve. The scene immediately following Ralston's entrapment, in which he screams for help at the top of his lungs, is accompanied by a slow zoom-out of the canyon, with the screams diminishing to a whisper by the time the shot is at the surface and to silence when it shows the landscape as a whole. That, along with the graphic portrayals of Ralston's efforts to free himself, are enough to send chills down your spine.

Verdict: You won't be disappointed.

Unstoppable


Synopsis: Also based on a true story (albeit more loosely), a veteran engineer and rookie conductor race to stop a runaway train loaded with hazardous materials.

The bad news first: The movie's director, Tony Scott, has way too much love for the swivel cam. The shots of railroad destruction and antics on moving vehicles generally avoid this, but Scott apparently thinks that when these aren't taking place the camera needs to be orbiting a locomotive, person's face, etc. It's enough to make you dizzy.

Most of the later shots of the runaway train are accompanied by at least one helicopter, usually a colorful news chopper bobbing and weaving seemingly three feet off the ground. On the one hand, this means the action scenes get some pretty unique shots. On the other hand, the helicopters more often than not are competing for the viewer's attention.

Finally, it suffers from ending about five minutes too late. Everyone literally stands around grinning and there's an Animal House-esque "where are they now" conclusion that's too goofy to really fit.

The good stuff: The movie takes a rather simple plot and makes it work. When I first heard of this movie, I thought of Atomic Train, a TV movie that came out some time ago. I caught a few trailers and the the second half or so during some lazy movie night, and it seemed to have a similar story. The key difference is that Atomic Train languishes about in a meandering story based more on the special effects of Denver getting nuked than anything: train wrecks, the Russian bomb it's carrying for some reason goes off, and the characters dick about in the ruins for the rest of the movie. Unstoppable, meanwhile, just keeps with the runaway train aspect, and it turns out you can actually spin a pretty good yarn out of that.

Though it takes awhile for our heroes to start chasing down the speeding locomotive and its deadly cargo, we're kept entertained by some pretty good characters, namely the two numbnuts who let the train get away in the first place, a no-nonsense communications center chief, and a welder who takes an especially active role in the chase. The pursuit of the train lasts a good long time and every minute is worth it, thanks in part to the heightened realism due to a minimal use of CGI. The actual runaway was much less dramatic, but the artistic license is reasonable enough.

And finally, two last points: first, I enjoyed the newscasts folded into the narrative. Second, one nice part of the characterization was the fact that it didn't follow the cliche of the two main characters hating each others' guts and warming up due to the crisis. Rather, it feels like a genuine relationship between a more seasoned worker and a rookie, alternating between the bonding that comes with a humdrum journey and the aggravating nuisances that also occur along the way.

Verdict: Maybe not the most cerebral of thrillers, but a fun ride anyway.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Break Out The Sad Tissues: The Dragon In My Dreams

I don't link too many sites off this blog, and there are various reasons for that. First and foremost is the fact that I like to write blog posts but generally have to construct them in bits and pieces during periods of free time, and they're sporadic enough as it is that I don't spend too much time working with the layout. There's also the fact that I don't have a huge array of websites that I follow, and I find that the ones I do generally give me a laugh after a day of work. One of the ones that updates more infrequently but is well worth it when it does is Cinemassacre Productions, home of the Angry Video Game Nerd.

"It fucking sucks, it sucking fucks, it fucking blows, it's a piece of shit...and I don't like it."

Rolfe first launched the Angry Video Game Nerd in 2004. It's a character rather than his true personality, since he's rather polite and soft-spoken in interviews while the Nerd is constantly sarcastic, enraged, profane, and psychotic. Using what seems like every video game system in the world and the crummiest of their associated games and devices, Rolfe then proceeds to rip into the flaws of each one, usually with a good deal of obscenity and over-the-top antics (up to and including the destruction of the most flagrant games).The videos vary in length, usually 10 to 20 minutes. Between scripting, editing, special effects, and other components, it seems like Rolfe usually manages to get one episode of the Angry Video Game Nerd out a month, although he also does a lot of videos on other pop culture from the 80s and 90s. Like any good nerd, he shows particular affection for Ghostbusters, Indiana Jones, and horror flicks.

One might be forgiven for watching Rolfe's Angry Video Game Nerd installments and assuming he's a "failure to launch" despite being an Internet celebrity. After all, his videos are mostly shot from a futon in a basement festooned with Nintendo Power magazines and a plentiful supply of Rolling Rock. This doesn't seem to be the case, though. Rolfe is mostly a private person, but has done some professional video work for Spike TV as well as a small videography company in Philadelphia. Somewhere along the way, he even got married.

Rolfe has shared several of his earlier projects, and one or two videos about his evolution as a filmmaker. Still, it was a bit of a surprise when Rolfe released a video looking into how and why he got into the craft:



The summary of this video, for those of you who didn't care to watch the entire thing: Rolfe drives along in search of his "fountain of youth," commenting how he's about to turn 30 and has made over 300 movies. Recalling how he's been wielding a camera since he was a child, he wonders where his creative drive comes from. He traces it to a recurring nightmare where he is attacked by a dragon. Rolfe visits his mother, who remembers how a concrete dragon feature was part of a park near the hospital where he was born and Rolfe thought it was awesome. Sometimes we're just drawn to the things that terrify us, he muses as he gives a brief biography of how he got into making movies, spent time in college, and held a variety of the jobs in the video field.

"I owe it all to the dragon, and now it's time for a reunion," Rolfe says as he pulls up to his old playground. He is overcome with emotion as he arrives at the dragon, aged and flaking paint but still standing. The park is under renovation and by a stroke of luck he's visiting on the last day the dragon will be as he remembers it in his childhood. "It's time to say goodbye to the past, time to move forward and create those movies in my dreams," he says. "Because dreams are where it all started." Rolfe looks back sadly as a construction worker resumes jackhammering around the dragon, then composes himself and drives away. The film concludes with the park (dragon still visible) fading into the distance, a short montage of photos from Rolfe's childhood, and a thank you to his parents.

Some of the movie has a bit of a staged feel to it, such as when Rolfe first reacts to the dragon. In fact, as this "outtakes" video reveals, Rolfe did indeed stage part of the video. He admits that the actual first encounter with the dragon in a couple of decades was different than what appears in the video, but also notes how you can see that his feelings are the same as what he portrays. He thanks the workers for letting him film the scene, wistfully commenting on the sentimentalism of others.

Still, there's something about the video that's very touching. To a certain degree, Rolfe is living a warped version of his childhood. He's usually in front of an NES or similarly antiquated system and surrounded by materials left over from when he was younger. He's still cranking out the Angry Video Game Nerd videos, so he hasn't entirely given up on it. But his final reflection is essentially Rolfe saying farewell to his past, which the dragon represents as something you can never revisit in exactly the same way. It's easy to get sentimental about the places from our childhood, especially as we get older and those places change.

I'm only a few years shy of Rolfe's age, and there are a lot of things from my childhood that I've lost, ranging from the original building my elementary school occupied to my uncle. It's a reflection on life: it's always a little bittersweet, as we are saddened by the things we lost and hopeful for what lies ahead. It's optimistic, but it can still bring a tear to your eye, though.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Top 10 Half-Life Loose Ends

"I can't close my report until every loose end is tied up." --G-Man

I'm a fan of the Half-Life games, though I was a bit spoiled in that I started off with Half-Life 2, arguably the best in the series. In 2007 its second sequel, Half-Life 2, Episode 2 was released in a package with its two predecessors, which a friend deeded to me via the game platform Steam since he already had them. Half-Life 2 and its sequels have some pretty good graphics, great atmosphere, engaging characters, cool weapons, and in general a lot going for it. There's a third episode sequel set to come out and wrap up the entire series, but unfortunately the developer, Valve, has been dragging their feet on it. They've put their focus on the fan bases of the associated Portal and Left 4 Dead games, cranking out a couple of them while Half-Life languishes.

I doubt Valve has given up on the whole enterprise, especially when they're this close to concluding it. One possibility is that they're expanding the shorter sequels to Half-Life 2, which usually take about six hours to complete, to a full-fledged conclusion. There are more than a few questions that need to be answered, though. And here are my picks for them, with all images supplied via Combine Overwiki:


10. What's going on in the rest of the world?



Half-Life
started things out at a classified research base in New Mexico, but the survivors of the Black Mesa Incident wound up in some locale in Eastern Europe known only as City 17. How exactly this happened is unclear, though it's hinted that Earth's population is being subjected to a lot of forced relocation. The Black Mesa administrator, Dr. Wallace Breen, negotiated a speedy surrender to the Combine, has chosen to live in relatively comfortable conditions atop the skyline-dominating Citadel and he and/or the Combine have opted to situate their headquarters in this location. The only other place we really see is New York City, in a newspaper clipping in Eli's workspace.

The Combine have put a halt to reproduction, meaning humanity's been slowly dying off for 20 years when Gordon is reawakened. Still, there must be a fairly significant population left and the games from Half-Life 2 on have all been in City 17 and the vicinity. Obviously, this constitutes only a small portion of the planet. Are there other strongholds on Earth, perhaps Cities 1 through 16? How's the resistance there doing?

Likelihood of resolution: Unlikely, considering we don't even know exactly where City 17 is. Half-Life games have always kept in one general area, and even with Gordon and Alyx likely to fly to a polar region they probably won't be stopping off in Berlin for a quick jaunt. The game probably won't end in a single, smashing victory against the Combine that liberates Earth, either. And as a post on TV Tropes points out, even if the Combine are defeated the planet will still be infested with Xen wildlife, with most of the original Earth species extinct.

9. What happened to the rest of the Xen creatures?


Through the course of Half-Life, Black Mesa is invaded by a wide variety of creatures from Xen. These include zombifying little things called headcrabs, electricity-shooting Vortigaunts, long-tongued barnacles, water-dwelling icthyosaurs, acid-spitting bullsquids, blast wave-producing houndeyes, hovering humanoid aliens that shoot energy balls at you, armored troops with arms that fire insect-like ammunition, and gigantic Gargantua beasts. In the sequels, the first four make an appearance although the Vortigaunts have become your allies and the icthyosaur makes a cameo. The rest of the creatures are never seen.

The explanation no doubt has to to with the developers not being able to cram everything into Half-Life 2, and the game is probably better for keeping only some of the old enemies and introducing new ones. Still, it's unclear whether other Xen creatures are roaming about and what may have happened to the ones that disappeared after their initial invasion.

Likelihood of resolution: Unlikely. The sequels ditched a few aliens and brought a few new ones in, and the players seem to be happy with that.

8. Where is Barney Calhoun?


Like most of the Half-Life characters, Barney Calhoun is much-beloved: resourceful, slightly sarcastic, and battle-hardened. He makes his first appearance in Blue Shift, a pre-Half-Life 2 expansion, where he manages to rescue a few scientists and get away from Black Mesa in the midst of the chaos. After that, he sticks with the Black Mesa crew and infiltrates Civil Protection, a low-level unit of civilian collaborator troops, to assist the City 17 resistance from within.

In what may have just been a case of too little room, Barney doesn't make an appearance in Episode 2. He is last seen in Episode 1, on board a train evacuating City 17 with several other civilians. It had several minutes' head start on a second train boarded by Gordon and Alyx, which was derailed in the Citadel explosion, but there was no word as to whether Barney's train outran the blast. Gordon and Alyx spend most of the second episode fighting their way to the White Forest base, meaning we don't see any other characters in person until they get there. To that end, it makes sense that Barney is excised although it is a little odd that he doesn't make so much as a cameo (with the arguable exception that he congratulates Gordon on a job well-done at the end of a massive battle that concludes Episode 2) while an entirely new character is introduced. With Gordon set to head to a new environment, it remains to be seen whether Barney will be along for the ride.

Likelihood of resolution: We may not figure out what he's been up to in the interim, but it seems likely that we'll see him again.

7. How much has G-Man's original plan been altered?


Half-Life 2 ended with G-Man on the verge of putting Gordon into stasis again after only a few hectic days on the Combine-dominated Earth (or weeks if you count the jump through time in a collapsing portal). In that short time, he accomplishes quite a bit: he decimates many of the Combine defenders in City 17, inadvertently starts a major uprising, kills Dr. Breen, and causes the full-scale meltdown of the dark energy reactor atop the Citadel. At that point, G-Man freezes time and prepares to cart Gordon off, leaving Alyx to die in the explosion and his former Black Mesa colleagues and other rebels to fight for themselves. But then the Vortigaunts step in, rescuing Gordon and Alyx and keeping them in the present time.

It doesn't seem like too much is affected by Gordon staying put. The Citadel melts down, destroys the city, and leaves a gaping superportal overhead which threatens to bring the full brunt of Combine reinforcements to Earth. It's sealed later on when Gordon helps fight off a last-ditch attack on another rebel stronghold and a rocket is launched to take care of the problem. It's kind of up in the air as to whether the resistance could have handled this on their own, but Gordon certainly helped things along. It's entirely possible that the rocket would have failed to launch, given that Gordon and his gravity gun were the main factors involved in destroying the powerful Striders advancing on the base. So what was G-Man's original plan for Gordon, and when and where was he going to be deposited next? Did G-Man aim to help the resistance in some way or allow Combine forces to come to Earth and wipe out humanity once and for all?

Likelihood of resolution: This question is likely to be resolved when we find out what the deal is with the G-Man.

6. What are the Vortigaunts planning?


From their ability to wipe out a massive invasion of antlions with hand-fired bolts of electricity to their seemingly psychic ability to heal Alyx, the Vortigaunts are some seriously powerful creatures. Their show of staving off the G-man and rescuing Gordon and Alyx from the Citadel after stopping or slowing time is certainly their most impressive act thus far. How they were able to perceive what was going on, get to the top of the Citadel, and deliver the two to safety before disappearing is likely to remain just another mystery as to how they can do what they do.

However, it begs the question of what the Vortigaunts have in mind. Were they just trying to rescue a couple of resistance members and happened to interfere with the G-man along the way? Or is G-man a force of evil that they're trying to fight?

Likelihood of resolution: It's possible that this might get swallowed up as a bit of a plot hole, or simply ignored. The Vortigaunts have allied with humanity, but given that they speak in riddles on larger matters they might keep it somewhat cryptic.

5. Will Race X return?


In Opposing Force, Adrian Shepherd witnesses Gordon jumping into the portal to Xen; from there, he sees what goes on at Black Mesa in that unseen time after Gordon's departure in Half-Life. The main development: a completely different set of aliens who start infesting the facility and provide cool new weapons such as an electro-burst biological arm and another living weapon that shoots balls of acid.

And then the aliens simply disappeared. Part of this seems to be a result of Adrian Shepherd defeating the giant worm poking his head through a portal in the final boss; Combine Overwiki said this is a "Gene Worm," a forerunner of Race X colonization efforts. Perhaps Race X would have been duking it out with the Combine for domination of the planet, but the defeat of the worm left Earth to the Combine.

Likelihood of resolution: Race X may have simply been written out with the above scenario. It's unlikely that we'll see them again, despite some fans' hope to get a chance to electrocute things again.

4. Is Adrian Shephard coming out of stasis?


Opposing Force rounded out the perspectives on the first Half-Life game quite nicely. The original was from the viewpoint of Gordon, a scientist, and it was followed by Barney, a security guard, in Blue Shift. Opposing Force put you in the boots of Adrian Shephard, one of the rather unsympathetic grunts who spent the prior games gunning down Black Mesa employees in a poorly executed cover-up plan. Shephard crash-lands in the action not long before Gordon teleports to Xen and is prevented from evacuating by G-Man, leaving him to clean up the Race X invasion virtually unassisted. G-Man thanks him for this job well-done by getting him out of the facility before it is obliterated by a nuclear weapon, having had to make a case for keeping Shephard alive, and detains him pending "further evaluation." Shephard hasn't been seen or heard of since.

By humanizing the soldiers and adding some G-man interaction pretty much on the par of what Gordon experienced, Shephard became fairly popular with players and there has been a decent amount of speculation as to whether or not he will return. The closest thing to a reference to him has been in companion game Portal, which features keyboards with the letters included in Shephard's name highlighted. The developers claim, somewhat unconvincingly, that it is a mere coincidence.

Likelihood of resolution: Episode 3 is likely to be the last game in the series. If Shephard shows up, he may have to get a secondary speaking role unless the first-player action switches between him and Gordon. It seems like it might be a little difficult to shoehorn Adrian into this part of the narrative, however, so he might be left off.

3. What is on board the Borealis?


One nugget which will have to be explored before the series wraps up is a mystery introduced in Episode 2. A bit of data painstakingly smuggled out of the Citadel and brought to White Forest by Alyx shows footage of the Borealis, a ship belonging to Aperture Science that mysteriously vanished, along with a portion of the dry dock, back in the days before the Black Mesa Incident. Kleiner thinks the discovery of the ship means the resistance can turn the tables against their foe, while Eli thinks doing so could lead to a catastrophe on the level of the one that got Earth invaded in the first place. Mossman, meanwhile, is apparently in the region fighting Combine defenders to try to get to the ship while advance art shows the thing already swaddled in Combine mech.

As a more video game savvy friend pointed out, the clues are pretty much all there as to what will be in the ship. In Half-Life 2, Mossman mentions that the Combine are struggling to develop the teleportation technology that the resistance has gotten relatively under control. In this way, they have a slight advantage over their alien overlords (which increases once an invincible badass physicist enters the fray). The Borealis, meanwhile, is the property of the company featured in Portal: a game about a gun that allows you to use a handheld device to create inter-dimensional doorways. Uh-oh.

Likelihood of resolution: Certain. Valve wouldn't introduce the Borealis without taking care of the question of what's on board.

2. How do you defeat a Combine Advisor?


The Combine Advisors may be the brain bugs behind the entire invading force. Resembling giant grubs, they make their first appearance in Episode 1 and Gordon has several unpleasant close-ups in Episode 2. The Advisors are ridiculously powerful, having the ability to telekinetically hold people in place (or break them in half). Getting near one leads to some psychic bursts that impair your vision and coordination. When we last saw them, the Advisors were sucking out some of Eli's vitals.

It looks like the Advisors can be hurt. Eli gets in a few whacks with a pipe before he's killed, and Gordon and Alyx are saved because Alyx's pet robot DOG comes in and wrestles an Advisor, sending it scurrying off. The developers have said you'll go head to head with at least one Advisor, but there's still the question of whether you can do that with your existing weapons or if you'll need a new one.

Likelihood of resolution: Should be addressed, given the developer commentary.

1. Who/what is G-Man?


This is the big one. G-Man first showed up in the original game, watching Gordon's progress through Black Mesa from inaccessible points and finally appearing to Gordon after he defeats the game's big bad. The final sequence suggests that G-Man might not even need Gordon that much, since a refusal of his job offer merely sends Gordon off to die in some alien-infested landscape. Indeed, he's shown to have had some interaction with Eli, Alyx, Breen, and Shephard, and was apparently keeping an eye on Barney for awhile. G-Man seems to be something of a chessmaster, putting people in situations and seeing what they can do, but also takes direct action such as reactivating the nuclear bomb at Black Mesa after Shephard defuses it.

It's unknown whether G-Man is trying to help the resistance or the Combine, or whether he's falling somewhere in between. It's not even clear what he is. He obviously has some superhuman abilities, what with the ability to stop time and all, and one description suggested that he seems like something doing a somewhat passable impression of a human. Another suggestion is that he is Gordon from the future, a theory plausible enough that it may have been the original intention but may now be something different if the developers decide they need a more surprising reveal.

Likelihood of resolution: This is what people have been wondering about for 12 years. They'll have to offer some sort of explanation.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Whatever Happened To: The Rest of the Cast of The Adventures of Pete and Pete

I had a lot of fun writing the last blog entry on what became of the cast from The Adventures of Pete and Pete, and it inspired me to check out the episodes again. The show had a rather impressive list of more famous actors who were getting their start or perhaps just having some fun on a well-written show. One that leaps right out is Steve Buscemi, who played Ellen's father, but you also had such talent as J.K. Simmons as a barber and Selma Blair as a girl Big Pete had a crush on.

It also turned out there was an entire second tier of people who played a significant role in the series. Here's what I could find on them.

Maris Hudson (Monica Perling)


Monica was a rather strange character, so of course she was a pretty good fit for Little Pete's group of friends. Her debut episode had her consoling Little Pete on pet loss, since she had an entire back yard full of short-lived animal companions, and she was also heavily reliant on her training as a "Kreb Scout" (one of the running gags in the show being that virtually everything was of the Kreb brand). She doesn't seem to be one of the better received of the characters, though, given her bossy attitude and the fact that the writers started to lean a little heavily on Little Pete's friends for material later on.


The show credit is the only one for Maris Hudson on her IMDB page, though a note there said she performed and was nominated for a supporting actress role in the musical Fiorello! in 2007. In that case, this is what she looks like today, according to this website. She's apparently been doing quite a bit of other theater work in the Chicago area.

Justin Restivo (Wayne "The Pain" Pardue)


Ah, one of the most adequately named Pete and Pete characters. Of all the kids in the show, Wayne might be the closest one to what you'd expect to find in a kid who grows up in our world rather than one dominated by the Kreb Corporation and superheroes; he's still a little annoying, though. Aside from having a crush on Monica, Wayne was basically around to spout off some random trivia and trip over his own feet. Thankfully, he was at least somewhat endearing.

Given this recent photo, Justin Restivo obviously slimmed down a little since his role on the show and got cooler glasses:


Oddly enough, Restivo has a credit as a bully on The Conan O'Brien Show at the same time he was appearing on The Adventures of Pete and Pete as a complete wuss. He played Lumpy in the 1997 atrocity that was the Leave it to Beaver movie and, judging by the gap in his IMDB page, that got him blacklisted from Hollywood for just about 10 years. Now 27, he's recently returned in uncredited roles, including a French waiter in The Devil Wears Prada and a Yale student in The Good Shepherd. Assuming this Twitter account is his, he's living in New York City and still close enough to the acting world that he attended the 2009 Tony Awards.

Rick Barbarette (Bill Korn)


Bill Korn was one of Big Pete's close friends, perhaps even his best friend, though he sort of got shunted aside as the show went on. His main character trait involved his having an affinity for jokes, such as trying to get Teddy to snort milk out through his ears and convincing an undercover cop that Bus Driver Stu Benedict was kidnapping everyone.

The role marked the only acting gig for Rick Barbarette listed on IMDB. A Pete and Pete fan site, now disappeared, apparently had an interview with him. This site credits him for sending in some pretty terrific candid shots from the set. By the looks of this Twitter page and its associated MySpace page, he might be the drummer of the Hollywood-based band All Star now. Either that or he's teaching math in Cedarhurst, New York. But the band photos look like him.


David Martel (Teddy Forzman)


Pictured is Teddy Forzman before he was really characterized too much, in a candid photo submitted by David Martel himself to that nice Pete and Pete fan site. The context: an episode focusing on the relative pointlessness of math word problems, and the lengths Teddy goes to in order to try to solve the questions (in this one, a problem related to a chicken's egg production). Though originally more of an accessory character, Teddy was given some more background in an episode where he stays with the Wrigley family for awhile. From then on out, he was a rather unflappable fellow with encyclopedic knowledge of numerous obscure topics, which he would follow up with the catchphrases, "What, you guys didn't know that?" and "Excelente!" Though arguably his best moment comes in impersonating Endless Mike to help Big Pete prepare for a wrestling match.


And now, he looks exactly the same at age...well, that doesn't seem to be available. Martel has a few scattered credits after Pete and Pete, namely the highfalutin role of "Person" in two episodes of Arrested Development and several one-off characters in Scrubs. According to his LinkedIn profile, he's now a consumer and channel marketing analyst with the Samsung HDTV Team in Los Angeles.

Christopher Conte ("Papercut")


The comments on the YouTube videos of the episodes usually had a few friendly debates over which one of Little Pete's enemies was the best. Though he only appeared in one two-part episode, most people remembered Papercut. One of the more menacing villains in the show, he grew up in a copy shop and was characterized by a bad haircut, a variety of nicks and small wounds, and the ability to make terrifying origami weapons. The episode revolved around Little Pete trying to confront him without Artie's help after bucking the trend of always throwing rock to Papercut's inevitable paper in a rock-scissor-papers match.

The actor who played Papercut disappeared after only two more roles around the same time: one in The Jerky Boys and another in The Indian in the Cupboard. I couldn't find much else on him, though there's a pretty talented prosthetist-turned-artist out there by the same name who specializes in biomechanical sculpture.


Eric Kushnick (Fran "Pit Stain" Jones)


Another of the recurring tormentors of Little Pete, Pit Stain got his unflattering nickname from the younger Wrigley due to his propensity to sweat profusely for no apparent reason. Pit Stain also had a bit of a softer side, though. In an episode in which Little Pete tries to keep Christmas going as long as possible, Pit Stain is awestruck by heaps of garbage decorated with lights (long story) and works undercover with Little Pete and his friends to pull a prank on a truly atrocious school assembly about hygiene. He also has a small bully gang consisting of a kid nicknamed Drawstring, because he always wears sweatshirts, and a girl named Hairnet because, well, guess what she wears.

I wonder if Eric Kushnick's contract had him take smell-oriented roles for the early part of his career, since a few years before Pete and Pete he played Sidney "Skunk" Duff on the short-lived series Hi Honey, I'm Home. He had a few bit roles in a variety of TV shows (including Spin City, Felicity, and Boston Public) before this modest list of on-screen roles petered out in 2001. Beyond that, he seems to be keeping a low profile. Unless he's the director of hardware engineering at Credence Systems Corp. or vice president of the research and development center of Advantest America, both in California, I have no idea where he is now.

Damian Young (Bus Driver Stu Benedict)


Stu seemed to have just a touch of bipolar disorder, given that he was usually a bright and sunny fellow but was always right on the edge of a complete freak-out. He occasionally used the slight degree of authority his job gave him to resolve some issues, but more often he moped about in a perpetual lovelorn state since his on-again-off-again relationship with a fellow bus driver was usually set to off. For all that, Stu was absolutely hilarious and had a good heart as well.


Damian Young got his start in theater and had a few minor roles under his belt by the time he played Stu Benedict. After Pete and Pete, he kept cropping up in a number of obscure roles (including "Crab Nebula Guy" in a TV movie about the 1993 bombing of the World Trade Center and "Green Army-Jacketed Man" in Unbreakable). He had a stronger role in the one-season HBO comedy The Comeback in 2005, resorted to playing a doctor in six episodes of the soap opera As the World Turns the next year, and then started landing recurring roles on more well-known shows such as Californication, Damages, and Law and Order. He's still acting, set to play Serge in Art Machine and Sanders in Seven Chinese Brothers, both movies which will be released in 2011.

Rick Gomez ("Endless Mike" Helstrom)


One of the more memorable characters in the series, "Endless Mike" Helstrom was a bully to both Petes. He has some great lines, mostly involving deadpan sarcasm, and takes his dislike for the older Pete to such extremes that he gives up a kidney and tooth just to be able to get into the same weight class as Big Pete and take him on in a wrestling match. Other times, though, Mike agreed to help Pete try to solve some problem or even tried somewhat successfully to have Big Pete join his merry band of troublemakers.


Richard Harper "Rick" Gomez, now 38, has kept up a pretty good run in the acting field. He seemed to have a gap in the late 90s, but in recent years he's been more active. His roles include quite a bit of voice work, including a brief appearance as the pilot in "The Final Flight of the Osiris" chapter of The Animatrix, Zack Faire in Final Fantasy VII and Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep, and various characters in The Angry Beavers, Courage the Cowardly Dog, and Cow and Chicken. Perhaps most notably, he played Sgt. George Luz in the miniseries Band of Brothers and Klump in Sin City.

I should also mention his bit role in 11:14, if only because it's a lesser-known but still terrific movie involving a few interconnected stories beginning with a body dropped from an overpass. Most writers who can do that can pull it off, and the actors include some more well-known people as well (Hilary Swank and Patrick Swayze). Gomez plays a paramedic, along with then still relatively unknown Jason Segel.

Michelle Trachtenberg (Nona Mecklenberg)


Nona became a sort of warped version of Ellen for Little Pete, though there was never any romance between them aside from a spring fever episode where everyone was falling in love with everyone else. She first met the younger sibling after moving next door and discovering that he was trying to tunnel out after getting grounded. Among other quirks, she wears a cast because she likes the itchy feeling and in one episode has a lunchbox capable of holding a full dinner spread. Oh, and her father is played by Iggy Pop.


Perhaps the number one comment of the later Pete and Pete episodes on YouTube: some variation of the phrase "I can't believe Nona is hot now." Michelle Trachtenberg, now 25, went on to a couple of roles in children's movies including the title character in Harriet the Spy and Penny in Inspector Gadget. She got her break in 2000 when she showed up inexplicably as Dawn Summers, sister to the lead character in Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Trachtenberg has faded into the background just a bit, but has still had a few notable roles including Jenny in Eurotrip and Celeste in Six Feet Under. She also lends her voice to Robot Chicken, the brainchild of fellow Buffy veteran Seth Green, including a memorable appearance as the voice of a gummy bear stuck in a trap.



Trachtenberg currently voices Valkyrie on The Super Hero Squad Show and will next appear in the movie Take Me Home Tonight.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Top 5 Fictional Characters in The Simpsons

Yes, The Simpsons is a fictional show. But they have a few shows within the show, or other fictional characters, and some of them are pretty damn funny. So here's a Top 5 list for that.

5. Worker and Parasite



Nothing against the incredibly violent duo Itchy and Scratchy, another show within the show which doesn't appear on this list. If anything, it's a testament to the fact to the strength of Itchy and Scratchy that there's so little quality cartoon material in the Simpsons world that Krusty has to resort to material like this when he loses everyone's favorite cat and mouse duo to The Gabbo Show. It's hilariously random, and the only clues to the meaning of the video are the line of peasants and the increasingly aggravated growls of one of the duo. It's not even clear which one is Worker and which one is Parasite.

4. McBain

McBain is an action star in the style of Arnold Schwarzenegger, quite an obvious analogue given his brawn and thick accent. The early examples had him in movies chock full of cliches such as partners dying just before retirement and a renegade cop who uses unorthodox methods that always aggravate his chief, like so:



This is a great example of the classic Simpsons episodes supplying high-quality humor in under half a minute. McBain's complaint about not being able to avenge his partner's death with a "pea-shooter" is funny enough, the chief's rant about his hand cannon is also great, and it's all topped by the ridiculously over-the-top way of getting around the book. Strangely enough, there actually was a McBain movie starring Christopher Walken and Luiz Guzman, among others:



If Wikipedia is correct, The Simpsons had actually used the McBain name before this movie came out, but somehow the movie studio (20th Century Fox no less) was able to prevent them from further use of the name. I'm not sure how accurate that is, considering I had an old Simpsons comic that clearly involved a McBain storyline and I doubt 20th Century Fox would suppress a name on a successful series in favor of a mediocre action flick it skillfully parodied before it even existed. Whatever the case, McBain is generally seen more in the guise of his actor, the awesomely named Rainier Wolfcastle, whose characteristics include offering to hug his daughter with his muscles and weeping furtively in his Humvee after a couple of random party guests tell him how much the last McBain movie sucked.

3. McGarnagle

The McGarnagle character has only been used twice, and wasn't even seen in one of those, but I'm pretty sure every Simpsons fan will be able to recognize the name and perhaps even quote the scenes verbatim. McGarnagle kind of took over for McBain in the renegade cop category, perhaps after the writers realized that Austrian action stars are better suited for shoot-em-up films. So McGarnagle follows the same model in the early McBain clips (one terrific exchange: "You busted up that crack house pretty bad, McGarnagle. Did you really have to break so much furniture?" "You tell me, Chief. You had a pretty good view from behind your desk."). I also saw these long before I saw the Dirty Harry movies, so although I enjoyed them I couldn't help but think of this scene when I saw Clint Eastwood in action:



Apparently McGarnagle is the spelling that has been settled on, but the pronunciation of the R as "ah" has led to plenty of different spellings such as the McGonicle of this Spanish version. Even they must know there's an R in there, because the way the voice actor pronounces McGarnagle is just superb.



2. Mr. Sparkle

Mr. Sparkle has only one major appearance on the show, in an episode whose subplot involves Homer and Bart and Lisa discovering a box in the dump with a foreign language and a strange cartoonish (more so) version of Homer on it. They eventually discover that it's a box of Japanese dishwasher detergent whose logo, by coincidence, looks like Homer via a combination of a light bulb and fish.



I remember laughing for ages when I first saw the Mr. Sparkle commercial. A parody of the more over-the-top Japanese TV offerings, it's ridiculously high-energy and nonsensical. There's also the oddity of a detergent company being sponsored by electricity and fishing interests, as well as the nice related joke of Homer asking for (and immediately getting) a specific Japanese phone book from the library and then claiming that he wants to make a "local" call.

1. Amendment to Be

Another Itchy and Scratchy replacement. After the show is pulled due to the discovery that the characters were plagiarized, Krusty is left scrambling for a new animated offering...and dredges up something so bad that he begs the kids to stay on for the toy commercials he'll have. It's an obvious parody of Schoolhouse Rock and the overly conservative slant thrown in is quite amusing as well.



I guess it's less funny now that Ted Kennedy is dead. No, it's actually still pretty funny.