Sunday, May 10, 2015

I Make Fun of State Quarters: Florida

Florida, the intellectual and cultural pinnacle of these United States. Nowhere will you find such an esteemed peninsula, filled with storied learning institutions and the latest in scientific breakthroughs. Not since the Library of Alexandria has the world experienced a region so renowned for its scholarly progress.

Or, you know, that might refer to some other place since Florida is so full of crazy shit that it gets its own category on Fark. And because the state is also known as that place that couldn't make a simple ballot in the 2000 election. Or, more charitably, the refuge for Yankee retirees who are willing to risk skin cancer for the chance to escape the snow and cold of a proper winter. It's that kooky low-lying peninsula which we're all waiting to be submerged by the climate change which its governor won't let state employees talk about.

So what does Florida feature on its state quarter? A crazed face eater, perhaps? Or maybe an underwhelming "good" serial killer who was apparently whisked away via hurricane to start working as a lumberjack?

Ah, Florida instead opts to show a Spanish galleon coming across an unspoiled tropical paradise in the 16th century. And then demonstrate how far technology has advanced by showing the space shuttle coming in for a landing on a quarter released one year after a space shuttle was destroyed while re-entering the atmosphere to land in Florida.

The Florida quarter, designed by Ralph Butler and engraved by T. James Farrell, commemorates the arrival of explorers such as Hernando de Soto and Ponce de Leon in the peninsula. The latter was searching for the legendary Fountain of Youth, reputed to grant the power to forever metabolize fatty foods and perpetually sneer about how one's elders are so lame. It didn't pan out, of course, what with Florida having the highest percentage of senior citizens and all.

The other part of the quarter pays tribute to Florida's part in the space program. Cape Canaveral has had a crucial role in sending astronauts into orbit, sending monkeys into orbit, sending men to the Moon, sending men to go golf on the Moon, and studying whether ants can be trained to sort tiny screws in space.

I would have thought they would go with one of those options instead of the shuttle, which had already started to dull excitement about space exploration by downgrading missions from "Let's go check out Earth's satellite in person" to "Let's run some groceries up to the space station." Sadly, the shuttle missions were already on their way out by the time the quarter was released, following the destruction of the Columbia in 2003. The program officially ended in 2011, which means the thing Floridians chose to illustrate the state's modernity is now as obsolete as that Spanish galleon.

So what else did Florida have to choose from? Well, there were 1,500 designs submitted for consideration and five finalists chosen by Governor Jeb Bush. Then these five were sent out for a vote by Florida residents. Because if there's anything you can trust it's letting Jeb Bush arrange an election and leaving it to the Floridian electoral system to get it right.

"Eh, they clearly punched in a binary code for 'Let the governor's brother win'" (Source)

Perhaps one of those other finalists should have been the victor. Maybe one of the candidates was a capable if boring design, with a strong environmentalist inclination, offering a temperate alternative to the zip and zazz of the design that promotes sending out costly expeditions to take over other parts of the world.

Who knows, maybe the state would have been happier if they'd gone with the swamp full of alligators and herons and plane crash debris. If nothing else, I congratulate the elderly men and women of Florida for deciding against the design which seems to celebrate ancient phallic objects.

Ew... (Source)

Monday, February 16, 2015

Greatest Thing of Anything: The Lost Tribe

Combine a group of bumbling caveman, a scheming backstabber, and leadership responsibilities. What do you get? An excellent and memorable video game, as it turns out.

The Lost Tribe, developed by Lawrence Productions, was released as a PC game in 1992. As a reviewer on Moby Games notes, it has a bit in common with The Oregon Trail. Like that classic game, The Lost Tribe makes the player responsible for safely leading a group of people on a long journey to a new home. Except in this game, you're in charge of two dozen cavemen instead of a smattering of Missourians.

The game opens with the cataclysmic eruption of a volcano. The disaster kills your tribe's chief and best hunters, leaving a group of unskilled survivors homeless. Your only hope is to make the trek to another volcanic paradise, the home of your ancestors. You have been selected as the new chief. It's up to you to plot a course to your new home, keep the tribe happy and fed, and deal with whatever crises might arise.

Looking out for the welfare of 24 people isn't exactly an easy task, and the game works to keep you on your toes. There are a lot of moving parts to keep track of as you oversee what the tribe will do each day.

First and foremost is food. Each day, you have to decide whether the tribe will get a full meal, skimpier rations, or no grub at all. Much like the oft-decried real world element of The Oregon Trail that lets you slaughter as many buffalo as you want but only take 200 pounds back to your wagon, The Lost Tribe limits the amount of food a person can carry to three shares apiece. Hunting and gathering is an everyday task, meaning you have to pay attention to the attributes of your area when deciding what animal to go after. Enough unsuccessful hunts and you'll have to assign people half rations or send them to bed without dinner, increasing the chance that they'll become unhappy.

Time is at a premium in the game, but any effort you can make toward improving your tribe's hunting skills will be rewarded. You can skip hunting if you have enough food, passing the day by having the tribe practice with their spears; the more you practice, the more experienced the tribe will get and the more likely they'll be to succeed on a hunt.

A troublesome tribe member, fittingly named Burgle, is waiting for any opportunity to usurp your position. If people get too unhappy or lack enough confidence in your leadership, you lose the game and he takes over. Though the game's educational component is limited to an encyclopedia about various animals and primitive cultures and such, it helps to browse it to find out where you're most likely to find certain prey. Go hunting for bears in the plains and Burgle will convince part of the tribe to hunt with him for bison instead; if he's successful, it's that much more of a blow to your leadership.

There's also the disquieting fact that you're setting out just a few months before winter. Once this season starts, it becomes harder to find animals to hunt or plants to gather.

As if all this wasn't enough, you'll also have your leadership tested constantly with random daily events. These range from serious (people growing weak from walking through the blistering heat) to silly (deciding who to vote for in the tribe's election for a "drain commissioner"). Many of these situations give you great advantages, including enormous quantities of food, if you answer correctly. If you make the wrong decision, you might lose supplies or even suffer the loss of a tribe member.

Getting to your new home is the only way to win, and there are plenty of ways to lose. Burgle might take over as chief and banish you. The tribe will abandon you if too many people die along the way. And if you keep the tribe's confidence but don't get to your new home before winter sets in, you're treated to a haunting end of game screen showing the tribe frozen in their steps and buried in snow.

The game works to keep the tone light and amusing, even if it does periodically remind you that you're figuratively responsible for the lives of a large group of people. A con man named Piltdown appears wearing fur shorts and a cheesy tie. The stick figure animations showing how the hunt went usually feature a humorous sequence, even if a member of the tribe is killed (one shows a hunter throwing a spear into a tunnel-like cave, only to be run over by a train that rockets out with a bear in the tender). There's even some suggestion that this isn't exactly taking place in a prehistoric era; in one scenario, the tribe comes upon the rusting hulk of a car and wonders what to do with it.

Incremental increases in difficulty keep the game interesting. Higher levels have little if any of the map filled in, forcing you to explore and look out for signs left by your ancestors to find your way to your destination. They'll also start you off with less food, unhappier tribe members, and fewer days until winter. If you can overcome all of the challenges, you'll be greeted with a triumphant victory screen and some classical music rendered in MIDI.

The Lost Tribe isn't perfect, of course. Though modern day reviews have been positive, there are also complaints about how much your leadership relies on clicking the mouse. You're only assigning tribe members to do things, so you'll be disappointed if you expect to take an active role in bringing down a boar.

Still, this game is an excellent challenge and well worth a play. Check it out over at Abandonia.

Monday, December 8, 2014

Whatever Happened to: The Cast of "Salute Your Shorts"

If you had to measure the nostalgic value of the Nickelodeon shows from the early 90s, Salute Your Shorts would probably be pretty high up on the list. It's an impressive accomplishment, especially considering there were only 26 episodes that aired between 1991 and 1992. Maybe it's so memorable because of that ear worm of a theme song.

Ask anyone in their late 20s or early 30s; they probably remember every word to that camp song, even if they had to make room by jettisoning some useless algebra or Renaissance history or whatever. I somehow forgot the amazing opening for The Adventures of Pete and Pete but the Camp Anawanna theme is apparently with me for good.

The camp scenes, incidentally, were filmed at Griffith Park Boys' Camp in Los Angeles, not far from the famous observatory and L.A. Zoo. This camp is still around, having been part of the city's Department of Recreation and Parks Camping since 1924; it even survived a major forest fire in 2007. The lake shots were done at Franklin Canyon Park, and it's the same body of water that shows up in the famous opening credits of The Andy Griffith Show.

But what happened to the campers of that place we hold in our hearts? You can check out interviews with most of the cast (two actors were no-shows) at a 2012 reunion, but this post should hopefully be a pretty good roundup.

Kirk Baily (Kevin "Ug" Lee)

The lead (and, as far as I remember, only) counselor at Camp Anawanna, Kevin "Ug" Lee is plenty strict and constantly busting the campers for infractions both minor and major. Ug seems to take pride in the camp, but his rigid attitude and harsh punishments ensure that he's not generally well-liked. The campers do show some concern for him, though, including their attempts to set him up with mail carrier Mona after his girlfriend dumps him and their worry that they may have gotten him fired in one episode. Ug is also quite clumsy, frequently falling victim to pranks and pitfalls laid for someone else. His nickname, of course, is a play on his last name.

Kirk Baily, 62, was the sound coordinator for the 1988 B-movie Killer Klowns from Outer Space before taking the role of Ug. He apparently took a couple of years off after the series, but began appearing in acting roles again in 1994. He made appearances on a number of popular shows including Beverly Hills 902107th HeavenStar Trek: VoyagerMelrose Place, and NYPD Blue. Baily has also done voice work for quite a bit of anime, often credited under the name Bo Williams. He's focused more on voice acting at this point, with credits including Frozen and Big Hero 6 and extensive dubbing work on films such as X-Men: Days of Future PastPrometheus, and Rise of the Planet of the Apes.

Danny Cooksey (Bobby Budnick)

Budnick was introduced as the camp bully, tormenting new camper Michael and giving the show its name by running Michael's boxer shorts up the flagpole. This persona is partially abandoned in subsequent episodes, although Budnick is remains morally bankrupt as he sets up get-rich-quick schemes or other rackets; he usually gets a healthy dose of comeuppance as a result. Budnick morphs into a perfect gentleman while dating Dina, but finds he can't completely shed his "bad boy" side. He confides in one episode that he comes from a troubled home and develops some respect for Ug after trying to take on the counselor's role for awhile.

Danny Cooksey, now 39, is arguably best known not for Salute Your Shorts, but for a small role as John Connor's friend ("with the sweet mullet," as he says on his Twitter account) in the action classic Terminator 2. He was also a child actor prior to Salute Your Shorts, appearing as Sam McKinney in Diff'rent Strokes. Cooksey has voiced several characters in animated series including Montana Max in Tiny Toon Adventures and characters in The Ren and Stimpy ShowXiaolin ShowdownInvader ZIM, and the 2012 movie The Lorax. Cooksey has also done some music work as a singer, first in the group Bad4Good and more recently in Shelter Dogs.

Michael Ray Bower (Eddie "Donkeylips" Gelfen)

Donkeylips first appears as Budnick's willing lackey, helping to bully Michael and other campers. He is kind at heart, however, generally acting friendly toward other campers in the later episodes. In particular, he seems to form a rather close friendship with Sponge; the two of them try to qualify for a wrestling tournament together and are active in a scouting organization. In one episode, Donkeylips inadvertently becomes Dina's date to a camp dance; in another, he heroically wins a Capture the Flag game for the camp.

Before appearing on Salute Your Shorts, Michael Ray Bower had credits in shows like Doogie Howser M.D., The Wonder Years, and the Michael Jackson movie Moonwalker. Now 39, Bower has had small roles on several other popular TV shows including The X-FilesFriendsDark Angel, and Bones. He appeared as a cult guard in the movie Dude, Where's My Car? and was a writer, director, and actor in the Web series Focus the Series. He currently hosts a career site at

Trevor Eyster (Eugene "Sponge" Harris)

Sponge's nickname stems from Budnick's old habit of putting him in a headlock and asking him general knowledge questions, interpreting it as squeezing the information out of his head like a sponge. Naturally, experiences like this cause Sponge to quickly develop a friendship with Michael, to whom he explains the Camp Anawana ways ("Everything bites!"). Despite his nerdiness, Sponge bends the rules as often as anyone else. He was the focus of a couple of episodes, including one where he tries to win a radio trivia contest and another where he successfully sneaks into town for a movie date.

Born and originally credited as Timothy Eyster, this actor appeared in dozens of TV commercials and had roles on shows such as Family Ties and Married With Children before Salute Your Shorts. He changed his first name to Trevor in 2002. Now 36, Eyster spent some time as a flight attendant and expressed some interest in getting into music. In a 2009 interview with Millionaire Playboy, he came out as bisexual. Two years later, he sparred with Redditors and seemed a little depressed, noting that his life had become a "sloppy bucket of crazy." He was homeless for awhile after being evicted from his apartment and lived in a tent in the Angeles National Forest, an experience he recounts in an article he wrote for the Good Men Project. Eyster has since gotten back into acting, launched an official actor's page, and appeared in a few short films and shows such as Bones and Kingdom. He's also started a micro-volunteering nonprofit organization called "...and then, Angels Descended."

Megan Berwick (Z.Z. Ziff)

With initials like Z.Z., you know hippy parents have to be involved somehow. Indeed, Z.Z. is extremely interested in nature and a devout environmentalist. As a result, she's the only camper who actually enjoys the nature activities Ug leads. Z.Z. is also one of the cheeriest and most rational people in Camp Anawanna.

Megan Berwick's acting career was limited to the years around Salute Your Shorts, with the exception of a production assistant on the 2008 movie Watercolors. Her only other credits are one episode of Full House and the incredibly campy sounding TV movie The Positively True Adventures of the Alleged Texas Cheerleader-Murdering Mom. Berwick, now 35, earned a bachelor's degree in international political economy from Colorado College in 2000 and a master's degree in the same subject from Stanford University in 2010. She worked as a development manager for the microloan initiative Kiva and spent a few years helping Haiti recover from the devastating earthquake in 2010. Earlier this year, she became the account manager for human services at Exponent Partners in San Francisco.

Venus DeMilo Thomas (Telly Radford)

Telly was known mostly for her love of athletics, showing proficiency in basketball and tennis in particular. As a result, she has a strong work ethic as well as leadership qualities. She's also the most likely person to stand up to Budnick or otherwise offer a voice of reason at Camp Anawanna.

Venus DeMilo Thomas had small roles on a number of popular mid-90s shows including Family MattersIn Living ColorMy So-Called LifeSister Sister, and Party of Five. Her last acting role was on a 2003 episode of Judging Amy. DeMilo, whose age is uncertain, went on to graduate from Loyola Marymount University with a degree in communications. She completed her studies while working at her family's business, the Thomas Talent Agency. DeMilo edited and directed a short film entitled Did I Wake You? in 2001. According to her LinkedIn profile, she has most recently worked in post-production and just started working as the senior coordinator for video-on-demand at Paramount Home Media Distribution.

Heidi Lucas (Dina Alexander)

Dina is a stuck-up, spoiled, arrogant camper from a rich family. It should go without saying that she's not one of the most popular people at Camp Anawanna, although she is surprised to learn this later on. More focused on fashion and her appearance, Dina isn't too interested in taking part in the camp activities. For all of these flaws, however, Dina sometimes gains a little depth by assisting her fellow campers. It is revealed in one episode that she has a crush on Michael, and she also ends up dating Budnick briefly.

Salute Your Shorts was the first acting role for Heidi Lucas, who continued to act through 1996. During this period, she appeared on shows such as Boy Meets World and The Wayans Bros. and had one film credit in the 1992 movie Ghost Ship. She also appeared in 11 episodes of Hypernauts as Noriko "Max" Matsuda. Lucas, whose age is uncertain, graduated from the Indiana University School of Law in 2005 and now reportedly works as an attorney in California.

Erik MacArthur (Michael Stein)

While the pilot episode gave the impression that most of the campers were returning to Camp Anawanna, it introduced Michael as coming to the camp for the first time. He becomes a target for bullying and gives in to peer pressure to some extent, helping raid the girls' bunk at Budnick's urging and accidentally breaking Telly's glasses in the process. However, Michael also gains friends (and even the affection of Dina) by standing up for himself and doing the right thing when it counts. The show's name comes from a pre-credits incident in which Budnick and Donkeylips ransack his luggage and run his boxers up the flagpole. Michael disappeared midway through the season, with Ug saying he has come down with a case of the chicken pox and left to visit Switzerland with his parents.

According to Erik MacArthur's IMDB profile, this departure came about because he decided after a season of Salute Your Shorts that he simply didn't want to act anymore. After this decision, he returned to his hometown in Hawaii to finish high school. However, MacArthur is still credited as having small acting roles on a few TV shows in the mid-90s including The Byrds of ParadiseWeird Science, and George & Leo. He also appeared in the films Pleasantville and We Were Soldiers. He began to transition to behind the camera work with Bottoms Up, a 2006 film he wrote, directed, produced. It wasn't too charitably reviewed, however, and MacArthur's last credited role is a part in the 2007 film Stories USA. MacArthur, now 38, is still working on film projects and now runs the entertainment company Pueo Entertainment.

Blake Sennett (Ronnie Pinsky)

Pinsky was introduced in the second season, arriving at the camp in the same episode where it is announced that Michael won't be returning. He apparently comes from a well-known salami family, since he is able to bribe Ug with delicious meat to escape punishment on one occasion. Pinsky is manipulative, but charming enough that he becomes quite popular. He might also be the suavest guy in camp, helping set up Budnick and Dina (despite the former's initial hostility toward him) and gets Sponge a date as well.

Blake Sennett, credited as Blake Soper for the show, had appearances on shows such as Family TiesMy Two DadsHis & Hers, and The Wonder Years before his role as Pinsky. A couple of years later, he played the bully Joseph "Joey the Rat" Epstein on Boy Meets World. His later acting credits included Elman on 3rd Rock from the Sun and an appearance in a 1999 episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Sennett, now 41, has since focused on music, composing the score for the 2001 film Don's Plum (which was never released in the United States thanks to a lawsuit by Leonardo DiCaprio and Tobey Maguire). Sennett was the bass player and a singer in the indie rock band Rilo Kelly, which released five albums as well as a compilation of rare and unheard material. As a side project, he founded the band The Elected in 2003 and released another three albums with this group. In 2012 he started yet another band, Night Terrors of 1927, which has released an EP. It's also worth noting that he dated Winona Ryder for awhile.

Steve Slavkin (Dr. Kahn)

The director of the camp, Dr. Kahn is never seen but frequently heard over the Camp Anawanna public address system. His droning, monotone voice gives the camp announcements, typically during the B-roll of camp scenes between scenes. Dr. Kahn also has a bratty niece, and is happy enough to see the campers pull a prank on her that he gives Ug a raise.

Steve Slavkin was the creator of the show (it's based on a book he co-authored in 1986 with Thomas Hill, who is credited as a writer on two episodes). He also had a writing role in each episode and helped write or produce a few others series, including Extreme Ghostbusters and Running the Halls. According to his LinkedIn page, Slavkin now works as an executive producer on the reality show Mansformation on FUEL TV.

Sunday, November 16, 2014

Trailer Play by Play: Saving Christmas

Let's see how this new possibly recurring segment goes. I decided to give it a shot after seeing the bizarre trailer for Kirk Cameron's Saving Christmas. The plot centers around Cameron's efforts to cheer up his brother-in-law, who is down in the dumps and apparently committed to no longer enjoying the Christmas because the holiday has gotten too commercialized and because it has some connections to non-Christian things.

Before I start, I figure I should link to a few other posts. One is at Timblerig's Ark, a blog that had this comment on the trailer and this post about how Christian films fall flat because they are pretty much required to be safe and predictable while only appealing to people who already agree with their message. The other post is the ever-amusing Onion A.V. Club, which had this hilarious article on the trailer.

All right, let's begin.

Over cheery seasonal music and the opening studio information, the narrator (Kirk Cameron of CamFam Studios, of course), asks just as cheerily, "Do you ever feel like Christmas has been hijacked?"

Um, that's kind of a jarring question, Kirk. But since you bring it up, there do seem to be some people who want to make the holiday about an imagined "War on Christmas" and reserve the holiday only for Christians, ignoring the fact that its larger recognition encourages charity and togetherness and such, no matter how you choose to celebrate it. But that's just me.

Hey, this family seems to be having a good time. Their decorations are maybe a little secular for some people's tastes, like the giant candy canes and nutcrackers and such. But oh no! A woman tells Kirk that a character named Christian, because symbolism, is "just not into Christmas this year."

This is Christian, but he will hereafter be referred to as Holiday Hipster. He picks at his face for awhile while Kirk elaborates that the people who are really forcing Christmas to fly to Cuba at gunpoint are those who over-commercialize it and "want to replace 'Merry Christmas' with 'Happy Holidays' or 'Season's Greetings,' whatever that means." 

Doesn't it mean that you're wishing your fellow man, Christian or non-Christian, good blessings and cheer? And isn't it commercializing the holiday just a wee bit to release a Christmas film on November 14 and ask people to buy tickets to it?

Kirk and Holiday Hipster have moved things to a parked car. Kirk asks Holiday Hipster if he's OK. " not...what Christmas is all about," he replies. Are you referring to heavy-handed CamFam Studios movies?

Hold onto that thought, Holiday Hipster; Kirk's not done yet. He further elaborates that the holiday hijackers want to "pull down every manger scene" and tell Christians why their holiday traditions are wrong. The ensuing montage is of holiday decorations and does not include a manger scene. Oh no! Did the atheists make Kirk take down a manger scene? In his own home? Those holiday secularists are just the worst. I'll bet they don't even have an Advent wreath.

OK, now it's Holiday Hipster's turn to rant. He complains about how Jesus wasn't born on December 25 and how some Christmas symbols apparently have their roots in paganism, whining that "it's like a carjacking, but like, of our religion." What is it with you people and the forceful takeover of ground or aerial vehicles? 

Holiday Hipster apparently can't decide whether he is more concerned about the non-Christian aspects of Christmas or about commercialism and secular symbols. He thinks Santa Claus was the perpetrator of this particular carjacking, throwing Jesus out of the Chevy Impala that symbolizes religion and peeling off while singing the opening theme to Rawhide.

"Isn't it time somebody spoke up?" Kirk asks.

Then the trailer cuts to that image. Yeah, let's get that guy to speak up! The one who stole Jesus's car!

No wait, I guess Kirk is going to do the speaking, like he has for this entire trailer. He tells Holiday Hipster that everything you can see inside his house is all about Jesus. Are you surprised?

A montage of Jesus-y images follows, including Mary and the manger and one of the wise men. Just one? And why does he look like he's on his way to Too Many Cooks to kill everyone? 

Kirk knows that Holiday Hipster loves Christmas and "wants it to be about what it's all about." What rousing oratory, what finesse! Or at least Holiday Hipster thinks so, since the next scene is of him dashing back into the house with a giant grin on his face. I think Kirk may have just given up trying to convince his mopey brother-in-law to love Christmas and snuck a bit of crystal meth into his eggnog instead. Kirk smiles in angelic light in the doorway, because he is nothing if not humble.

Kirk invites us to "dive headfirst" into all of the Christmas celebrations. Without a hint of irony, he pairs "imagination" and "traditions" together in the list. It's all to "glorify the true reason for the season," so if you're celebrating Christmas without a giant manger scene in your house you can just leave this party right now.

And because that Kirk is such a cutup, the diving invitation is accompanied by an interrupted shot of Holiday Hipster celebrating his renewed faith by, for some reason, jumping onto the floor and sliding headfirst into the presents. I think he's attacking commercialism with his face. Either that or, you know, the meth.

The party grinds to a halt, because some maniac just dove into all of the commercialism. Kirk Cameron's Black Friend takes charge. For some reason, he doesn't ask, "Are you all right" or shout, "You idiot, you just destroyed my son's Playstation 4!" Instead, he puts on his best priest voice, says something about workin' on the spirit and scales falling off. He also demands an amen from party-goers who thought this was going to be more about feasting and dancing.

And then Kirk flat-out orders you to go see his movie and "put Christ back into Christmas." Personally, I'd recommend something like It's a Wonderful Life or A Christmas Carol. They're classics, they're spiritual, and I'm sure they have a better than zero percent favorable rating on RottenTomatoes

Monday, November 3, 2014

I Make Fun of State Quarters: Delaware

I feel a little bad making fun of Delaware. I mean, isn't the poor state a punchline already?

Yes. Yes it is.

Still, I must persevere.

It's not like there's any reason to dislike Delaware. I'm sure it's full of wonderful people and quaint little downtown areas and affable grinning Vice Presidents. But it just seems so...plain. Something tells me there aren't too many newlyweds saying, "Hey honey, lets get away to scenic Delaware and climb to the Ebright Azimuth. We'll be higher up than anyone in the entire state!"

And when Mom and Pop load up the station wagon for a family vacation, are they really going to say to the kids, "Come on, children! We're going to visit Felton. We can see the Thomas B. Coursey House. He got the right to stock a mill pond with bass carp in 1883 and tell other people they couldn't fish there. They call their townships "hundreds," and Felton is in South Murderkill Hundred. Doesn't that sound nice??"

Behold, majestic Felton. (Source)

It's almost too much to handle, all these sights and sounds. How can one simple state quarter hold all the excitement that Delaware has to offer?

Well, that does pack it in pretty well. Everyone loves a horsey.

Wondering why Delaware was the place that kicked off the state quarter program instead of one of the states that sits at the cool table, like Massachusetts or California? It's because it was the first of the original 13 colonies to ratify the Constitution, giving it the honor of being the first state in the Union. Thus the big "First State" label on it like some 14-year-old's YouTube comment. There were other colonies established before Delaware, of course, but it still gets to brag about how it was a state before the United States existed.

So now is the time to tell the story of Yankee Doodle, riding through a quarter on a pony. No wait, that isn't it. It's Paul Revere, right? He's heading off to say that the British are coming. Except that was in Boston, not in Delaware. Um...who is this guy again?

Ah yes, Caesar Rodney. Delaware chooses a truly interesting fellow known for being a sheriff, register of wills, recorder of deeds, clerk of the Orphan's Court, and justice of the peace. He's held more public offices than anyone else in Delaware. Hooray for competent county-level politicians?

Actually, Rodney is best known for riding 80 miles through a thunderstorm while ill to get from Dover to Philadelphia. This was in July of 1776, and he made the trip after finding out that Delaware was split on whether or not to go along with the Declaration of Independence. Although his constituents were chiefly Loyalist, Rodney cast the deciding vote in favor of independence.

Delaware might want to forget that his constituency rewarded this patriot for his bravery by throwing him out on his ass. Once it became clear that had supported the Declaration of Independence, voters in Kent County opted not to include him in the state's constitutional convention or general assembly. They did come around again in 1778, electing Rodney to a position that somehow manages to sound both impressive and embarrassing: "President of Delaware."

It also helps that the quarter's design keeps Rodney's face tiny enough that you can't really make out any detail. No one painted a portrait of Rodney when he was alive, since his face was ravaged by cancer. John Adams described him as having a face "not much bigger than a large apple," perhaps because Adams didn't realize that Rodney wore a facial covering to hide the disfigurement.

Pictured: Caesar Rodney (Source)

All things considered, Rodney is a good choice for the quarter design. He put country before self, and he achieved greatness despite his young age and physical ailments. Maybe some people were disappointed that the quarter didn't have the Delaware Memorial Bridge or something, but it never hurt anyone to pick up a book or do a bit of Googling and learn an interesting story.

Besides, it's certainly better than the alternate designs. Like this one:

That would be Lady Liberty blazing a torch into the future and boldly proclaiming, "Behold! A new nation is born, and the first member of this glorious country shall be this odd misshapen lump of a state!" And then Lady Liberty would presumably pause for a few seconds and say, "Um...Aubrey Plaza is going to be born here in another 200 years and change. That's something, right?"

And even that's preferable to this finalist:

That design recognizes the fact that Delaware has a chicken breed named after it. Had the Mint gone with this design, we'd all have to sarcastically thank Delaware for starting out the state quarter series by showing us their cock.

Saturday, October 4, 2014

Greatest Thing of Anything: Elbow, Live in Concert

Some time ago, I mentioned how the band Elbow has never really caught on in the United States despite the quality of their music, their popularity in their native England, and the use of one of their most popular singles ("Grounds for Divorce") in a variety of American commercials, movie trailers, and video games.

So imagine my surprise when I finally heard Guy Garvey on my beloved WEQX. Elbow had just released a new album, "The Takeoff and Landing of Everything," with a single entitled "New York Morning." And with the new album, they were doing a new tour through the United States. What better time to catch them in concert? So I took a mini-vacation with my fiance to Philadelphia in May to take advantage of the opportunity. 

They were probably the best live performers I've ever seen.

OK, maybe they didn't play as much from "Leaders of the Free World" as I hoped for. But it was still an awesome experience, thanks in part to the Philadelphia atmosphere itself. From the Penn's View Hotel to the delicious meal at the Cuba Libre restaurant to the historic significance of strolling past Independence Hall and Benjamin Franklin's grave, there was never an unpleasant moment.

The concert took place in The Electric Factory, a warehouse turned concert venue a few blocks away from Market Street. I was worried at first that the small cluster of fans that showed up in time for the opening act by John Grant would be the only people who attended, but the venue slowly but surely filled up. Whether they were die-hard fans or people who were curious to check out a show, whether they came from around the corner or hundreds of miles away, the concertgoers made it a full house.

When Elbow took the stage, they did so in a swelling hurricane of instrumental music. When you see a group live for the first time, it's always hard to tell if the band you paid to see is going to prove why they got a record contract in the first place or if they're going to disappoint you by revealing that the real talent behind the band is whoever digitally removes the suck in post. The opening left no doubt that Elbow knows their way around their instruments, and when the stage lights revealed a pair of violinists to complement the tune you could practically feel the awe in the entire assembled body.

Credit has to be given to The Electric Factory, which either has an Elbow fan among its event coordinators or does plenty of research ahead of time in order to add a little extra flavor to the show. The simple but powerful notes of "The Bones of You" were enhanced by perfectly timed strobe flashes from the stage lights. Later, with a bit of a wink, the lights were toned down to little more than a sparkling disco ball for a performance of "Mirrorball."

No concert by Elbow would be complete without a performance of "Grounds for Divorce," and Garvey took delight in teasing the crowd by saying how well the prior cities in the tour had done in participating in the song, goading Philadelphia to try to do better. The Philly crowd performed exceptionally, I have to say. The first line of the song was followed by an absolutely pitch perfect "WHOA-OH-OH-OH-OH-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-OH" response. Later in the song, the band even kept the audience going for a few extra choruses before Pete Turner dropped the appropriately lung-piercing bass line.

I was surprised to learn that Elbow has been together since 1997; since 1990 if you go back to how Garvey and Turner met when they were teenagers and the band grew from there. It was even more amazing to find out that no band members have departed since the full group assembled. Though Garvey might be considered the face of the band, he doesn't let it go to his head. At the Philly show, he recognized each member as well as the guest violinists. This article in the New York Times delves a bit more into how the band has stayed together as a unit for so long.

The crowd wasn't going to let Elbow go without an encore. A sustained applause brought them out again to play "Lippy Kids" and "One Day Like This." After hearing some of the band's more melancholy songs, like "The Night Will Always Win" and "My Sad Captains," it was nice of them to send us out on a more upbeat note. The finale of "One Day Like This" was especially moving, as the band again made use of numerous pairs of willing lungs to assist with the chorus and make everyone feel all right.

I hope to see you again someday, Elbow, so I might raise a glass to you. Especially if I wind up in England, because I can raise you a glass of your own honest to God beer.

Don't miss a few other great reviews of this show at The Electric Factory: this one from That Music Mag and this other one from The Swollen Fox.