Saturday, October 6, 2012

Barack Obama and Mitt Romney Holding Things

You can interpret this upcoming presidential election in a few different ways. It's a guy who's chock full of values and know-how trying to oust a socialist demon who was somehow simultaneously born in Kenya, Indonesia, and Hawaii back when Liliuokalani was still in power. Or it's Captain Awesome, midway through rebuilding a country smashed up by eight years of Bush, getting harassed by an out-of-touch plutocrat who thinks schoolteachers earn enough to own Lear jets. Or maybe you hate both of them and are supporting democracy by voting for someone whose odds are so bad that Vegas would go bankrupt if you put a penny down on them and they won.

But for all their differences, Obama and Romney have some things in common. Like the fact that as politicians, they've had their photo taken holding a lot of stuff. Stuff like...

Dino Flintstone


It suddenly dawns upon Romney that the "It's a living" catchphrase meant all those animals acting as appliances were actually working for a salary. "Hey, that means whenever you needed to replace your record player you got to fire that bird! I love it!"



Obama wishes Karolos Papoulias would wrap up all this talk about the Greek economy so he could hit the field with his pals. Biden wants to try a wildcat formation to get past Panetta and Geithner.



Romney tries to connect with the common man by spending some time as a pizza delivery man. Unfortunately, while he was easily inside the "30 minutes or less" deadline, the common man has thoughtlessly cluttered up his runway with parked cars and children playing street hockey.

Terrorist literature


Obama reads The Post-American World, a bestselling book by Indian-American Time editor Fareed Zakaria about the shifting state of major players in the global economy. As the author puts it, "This is not a book about the decline of America, but rather about the rise of everyone else." Or, you know, it's a book with a suspicious title written by a brown man with a strange name and read by another brown man, ergo it must be "a Muslim's view of a defeated America." 

Olympic torch

Romney lollygags a bit on his way to blow a hole in the Helm's Deep defenses.

A marijuana cigarette, or a "joint" as the kids say today


So apparently Obama liked to toke every now and again while looking like he was destined to be the next big thing to hit the blues scene.

Yes, I'm aware that there's a little bias here, but how awesome is that picture? It's like a wave of cool suddenly shattered that picture of Romney with the torch up there. Let's see what he has as a counteroffer from his younger days.

Cash money (sans hoes)


Oh right. This whole thing. That's Romney in the middle and some principals of Bain Capital, blissfully unaware that the frat brothers in Omega Theta Pi were actually the bad guys in Animal House.

Hipster camera


Obama looks for the perfect angle on this photo of the White House press room, seeking to capture the full ironic impact of getting a picture of the people who usually take pictures of him. The official White House site actually includes this in a series of photos from Obama's first 100 days in office with humorous captions. Their take: "Unhappy with the recent set of official White House photos, the President decides to take matters into his own hands."

McDonald's food


Romney, you bastard! You already defunded Big Bird, you didn't have to turn him into a bunch of nuggets!

A hurling stick


Obama is ready to be more aggressive at the next debate. Either that or he's preparing for the zombie apocalypse and knows an Irish hurling stick is liable to be a pretty formidable weapon against the undead.