I Make Fun of State Quarters: Iowa

Given that our American democracy includes aspects such as occasionally flipping a coin to decide who presidential candidate delegates will be awarded to and general elections that can be won without actually earning the most votes, it shouldn't be any surprise that a great deal of importance is assigned to the first contest in the 50-state process of selecting a party's candidate for the highest office in the land.

And so we get the regular flocking of presidential hopefuls to Iowa, where the first caucus of the 2020 election will take place in February. They're all expected to indulge in state fair fare like fried butter, hobknob with the locals, and pledge their undying loyalty to all things corn. Which always strikes me as a little odd, since they could just surrender this race and suck up to granite interests instead to make a bid for the New Hampshire primary.

Anyway, what does this mean for the Iowa state quarter? Will they celebrate their vaunted status as the first place to start choosing who might end up in the White House? Is the winner going to have to engage in pandering and the unending ingestion of enough artery-clogging fried food to give it six coronaries? Will the residents of Iowa just demand that the quarter be made of corn?

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NO CORN? Are you kidding me?

This is a highly unlikely scenario. Not just because Iowa residents are roughly 40 percent corn themselves, but because just about every one of the finalists for this state quarter were trumpeting Iowa's farm industry.

But let's face it, Iowa's agriculture really is quite impressive. The state is indeed the first in the nation for corn production, but a lot of that crop goes toward supporting livestock as well - putting Iowa among the top ranks for dairy and meet production as well. It also claims to be the second largest producer of soybeans and a main supplier of turkey for Subway restaurants, among other things.

So being the "Breadbasket of the World" is certainly something to be proud of. At the same time, I'm sure Iowans were a little reticent about making their representation on the state quarter focus on literally the one thing the rest of the country knows them for. They would be like the kid who excitedly runs to his friends to deliver some news only to find out that they already found out about it three days earlier.

So when state residents were asked to submit their designs, they came up with plenty more than just variations on how to prepare corn on the cob. They included, well, farmland with corn that wasn't quite ready yet...

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And that Grant Wood painting of a mopey farmer and his sour wife...

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And a tribute to the Sullivan brothers, a group of five siblings from the Iowa town of Waterloo who all served together on the cruiser USS Juneau and died when the ship was sunk during the Battle of Guadalcanal. They became a potent symbol of patriotic duty and hometown heroes in Iowa, understandably, but personally I think this quarter design would have been a little shortsighted. It would have basically said, "Behold, nation, these hero brothers who gave their lives for the country! Also, 682 other people from elsewhere in the United States died on this ship, but whatever."

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Iowa naturally gravitated away from showcasing wartime tragedy, but also decided that going heavy on the corn or farm theme wasn't the best thing to do. Instead, their final design is basically a facsimile of the painting "Arbor Day" by Grant Wood, an Iowa native (the state's residents are no doubt a fan of his quote, "I had to go to France to appreciate Iowa."). This work shows a teacher at a one-room schoolhouse helping a group of children plant a tree for the occasion.

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It's a little strange that the quarter highlights Iowa's "Foundation in Iowa" when the painting itself is about a holiday that celebrates trees. That and the fact that a quick search on Iowa's educational history immediately brought up an academic essay noting how the state's rural schools at the turn of the century suffered from "poor quality" and "inexperienced and poorly prepared teachers." So that teacher helping the kids with the tree might be really bad at her job.

But credit where credit is due, Iowa's current educational rankings are quite good. According to the U.S. News and World Report rankings, it ranks ninth in the nation for education, including eighth in higher education and 13th in K-12 schooling.

So there you have it. Iowa wants you to know that they have a good educational system, and that they're really quite a lovely state overall. That's fair.

But to be honest, the design actually seems to be lacking without corn. It's like if you had a cookout and didn't toss a few ears on the grill. At least throw a stalk in the background, guys.